Kevin Cooney, Corporate Vice President & Chief Information Officer, Xilinx

False teeth?



Eyes look suspicious as well. And no way are those actual ears.

Mark Keatley, Executive Vice President of Finance & IT, Actavis

This image was tagged "AUG2010" so Mark should still look pretty much the same in real life. Maybe a bit less tanned and with a bushier moustache, perhaps even in different glasses, but within this visual ballpark.



Submitted by "Roy". Thanks. You have a nice eye for it, Roy. We should meet up and hang out inside Canary Wharf one lunchtime with a spotters checklist.

READER SUBMISSION: B. Kevin Turner, Chief Operating Officer, Microsoft

This one messes with your perception of the male form. You expect there to be no hair, than all of a sudden there's LOADS OF HAIR, then it goes back to expecting there's no hair again all the way down.

Definitely no more hair on Mr Turner between lip and toes. It's all chemically and mechanically removed once a month. Bet he even puts his trimmings in the bin, rather than wedging them down the plug hole, too.



"The lack of tie is excused - this is the casual option from Microsoft's
selection of B. Kevin Turner images. Wonder if his office nickname is 'B' or 'Kev'?" - Alex.

Thomas F. Lagatta, Executive Vice President, Worldwide Sales, Broadcom

We went to the Broadcom press site for WORK PURPOSES and, as usual, couldn't help but hopefully browse to the Executive Photo Library in case there was anything useful up there of a sufficient resolution for misappropriating on this secondary hobbyist niche blog.

And there was.



Glad we checked. Nearly didn't, as the home internet's a bit slow at the moment. It was fate, Tom. Fate brought us together.

Varel Freeman, First Vice President, European Bank

Suit matched to hair. Literal interpretation of the white collar worker. Great moustache. Glasses. Bad tie. Skin that was last exposed to sunlight on the Sunday afternoon prior to starting the job in April of 1991.



And if we're not very much mistaken...



...a sneaky bowl of his daughter's Coco Pops for breakfast.

APPEAL: High-resolution image of Hadi Jaroudi required

We have many questions about this image, primarily to do with how he gets it so smooth and pointed and why, after going to so much effort with the top of his head, he would then let the bottom of it go completely to seed.



Hadi works for Future Pipe Industries, which we would also [X] Like to know more about. Someone emailed this in ages ago. Thanks, whoever you are/were. It's been a while.

Henk van Houten, Senior Vice President & General Manager, Philips Research

Couldn't pass up the opportunity to feature a man called Henk.



Henk is currently heading up research into sudden and unusual ear growth spurts in men over the age of 50.

Ferdinando "Nani" Beccalli-Falco, President and CEO, International, GE

"Nani" is what people call him during their final few minutes in the woods behind the storage depot.



"On my desk by 10.30am MEANS on my desk by 10:30am, not a lame email at 10.35am saying it's nearly finished and you've just got to spell-check it and print it out."

Mark Walker, President, Walker and Associates, Inc.

Too obvious. The blue in the tie to bring out the blue eyes. The blue in the background to bring out the blue eyes. They're telegraphing it, Brian.



As if we need reminding that ginger people tend to have blue eyes.

Christopher Welp, Executive Vice President of Insurance Operations, Aviva USA

They churn these ones out in China at a rate of 10,000 per day. They come over in boxes a bit like coffins, then you buy one at the supermarket when you have some admin you need doing.



Sorry, Chris, you're a disposable item. Use once to fill in a boring form, then deflate and incinerate.

Graeme Bottger, Vice President and Controller, Alcoa

You'd look this confident, too, if your official job title called you the "Controller".

Only the Controller can get away with having a moustache.



FAVOURED METHOD OF CONTROL: Balls in a vice.

Ray O'Connor, President and CEO, Topcon Positioning Systems

That lapel badge symbolises his favourite breakfast cereal, for meeting small-talk purposes.



Shredded Wheat. That why his skin's so healthy.

Marc R. Viscogliosi, Principal, Viscogliosi Bros. LLC

There's not much more you can do with hair like that, except have it swept as far out of sight as possible. He'd look even crazier with a fringe.



Here he is with a makeshift fringe:



We started doing another version with it all shaved off, but it was too graphic. We frightened ourselves.

John Harju, Associate Director for Research, EERC

Some rudimentary post production has been attempted here. Backgrounds that uniform simply do not exist in nature.



Unless he's in a meeting room in THE VORTEX.

Sexy Executives is pleased to appoint Ray Ratto as new Non-Executive Director of Sports

Ray Ratto is not an executive. He is a sports writer. So we've hired him, without his permission or knowledge, to be the new Sexy Executives Non-Executive Director of Sports.

Now Ray is an executive. Welcome aboard, Ray! So here he is:



Ray, it's just not working out. You're fired.

Mark K. Olson, Chief Financial Officer, Pacific Capital Bancorp

We've TORN APART the rule book** to accommodate Mark. This image is only a poor quality 450 x 563 file, well below our usual mandatory minimum executive photograph resolution standards, but there's something about the eyes...

The eyes... the eyes... the eyes...



*Signs over all money and deeds of house to Pacific Capital Bancorp*

**It was only a photocopy of a small number of pages for dramatic effect.

Hala Moddelmog, President, Arby's Restaurant Group, Inc.

If she's 1000 years old and has recently been unearthed during routine earthworks, she's aged very well.



Hair needs updating. Even Duran Duran don't have hair like Duran Duran used to in 1982 any more.

Dan Wright, Senior Tax Manager, Clark Nuber P.S.

John Madden?



He's excused for not wearing a tie, as they don't make ties long enough to get round necks like that.

James Slattery, Chairman and CEO, Florida PDMP Foundation, Millennium Laboratories

Hair of the Week.



Has the wiry thickness of a wig, but you can see the follicles attached to his head at the front. We'll categorise this one under Hair Mysteries, pending further analysis in a few decades time when science has caught up.

Gabriel Lasala, M.D.. Medical Director, TCA Cellular Therapy

"Just pop your trousers down for me"



"Oh yes, you can tell an awful lot about a man's cellular make-up by simply cupping his buttocks and breathing in his scent."

Bret A. Morris, President, Health Net of Arizona, Inc.

We only do our hair like that as a joke after coming out of the bath.



Maybe he had a bath just before the shoot. We'll never know. Some things simply aren't recorded in the EXIF data.

Sara Scott, Vice President of National Accounts, ProspX

NEW CATEGORY: Executives in Pyjamas.



Never thought we'd enjoy seeing a photo of an accountant in their pyjamas.

Peter Schwab, Head of Wells Fargo Capital Finance

This has the potential to become an all-time favourite.



The silly tie was probably a Christmas present from a grandchild, and he's pulling it off well. What a nice man. Bet he doesn't drink. Bet he doesn't even need to drink. Imagine being that happy and relaxed without first having to drink four pints. He's saving a fortune.

John B. Eichhorn, Chief Financial Officer, Tropos Networks

NEW CATEGORY: Possibly Used To Be A Woman.



14 years of hormone therapy later, that goatee is his trophy.

Matthew Sommer, Director and Senior Retirement Specialist, Janus Capital

Suit's too new. We suspect he bought it for the shoot. We can't prove that, obviously, just like we can't prove he also got his hair cut yesterday for the shoot. Or that he bought the tie and shirt as a set for the shoot.



We merely SUSPECT this isn't the Matthew Sommer you'd get to see on a daily basis, were you to bump into him on a day when he hadn't been warned to look smart.

John Tarpey, Chief Executive Officer, Balfour Beatty Construction's North Region

Jasper Carrott?



So sad to see such an uncared-for scalp. He's long-since given up looking at his reflection. If his wife says his hair is fine, that's good enough for him.

APPEAL: High-resolution image of Sharron O'Gorman required. URGENT.

VERY URGENT. CATEGORY A1+ URGENCY APPEAL RATING. STOP ALL OTHER INTERNET USE.



Sharron operates an amazing business called Golden Valley Insurance, which seems to provide insurance for pets - and musical instruments. With thanks to reader Matthew for the find. We hope you sorted out your pet/cello insurance needs, Matt.

James H. Roberts, Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer, Granite Construction

This is the best. This is what we're in it for. When people look at us funny and say "Why do you do that stupid blog about men? Haven't you got anything better to do?" we sit them down and show them photos of ones that look like James H. Roberts.



We want to take him home and have him go through our accounts.

Jerry Turjanica, Managing Director, Midwest

No idea what he's standing in front of. Might be the napkin he used at lunch.



Hopefully it's not one of his bed sheets.

Michael Congdon, Regional Vice President, Wells Fargo

Usually it's too much grey. If we had to put money on the single most obvious element contained within a random photographic sample pulled from the executive world, it would be that it contains too much grey.

It's always too much grey. Which is why we're so excited to bring you a world first... the inaugural Too Much Brown.



Michael Congdon, who fights low-level administrative crime (stolen stationery, someone using someone else's milk) under the superhero name 'The Chameleon'.

John R. (J.R.) Thomas, CEO, MedSynergies Inc.

Finally, after over a year of doing this, we've got one called John Thomas. No matter how hard he tries to hide it with initials and nicknames, that's his name.

Here is a large photograph of a John Thomas.



Needs rinsing down with a lemon juice solution to have that 'product' removed.

Jose A. Guethon, MD, MBA, President & COO, Michael M. Earley, Chairman & CEO, Metropolitan Health Networks

This is some landmark work by the preferred photographer of Metropolitan Health Networks. The picture-taker has made two men from the same company sit in precisely the same, awkward position. Perhaps it is the signature company posture?

ADOPT THE POSITION:



"Just clasp your hands together to your right... that's good... now tilt your
head for me... a little to your right... a little more... that's good..."



"Now think of something that makes you feel confident... that's good... not too confident... that's good... now cock your elbow out a little further for me... that's good... nice elbow work... well done... nearly finished..."

Peter Crawford, Senior Vice President, Charles Schwab

The hemming on the jacket appears a little flimsy. We'd expect better from a senior member of the team at an investment bank.



He must have enough money to buy one of everything from a local Burtons.

John Wilcox, Senior Vice President, Personal Lines, The Hartford

That tie is one of the new-wave of modern scented ties. It's the 'Lemon Zinger'.



Very square face, though. Highly unusual.



Spongebob?

Mark Legg, CFO, Memjet

It's an American from the 1950s, thrown through the VORTEX to the present day by an accident in Memjet's underground stationery storage facility.



Now THAT'S a flat-top.

Chris van Ingen, Executive Chairman, Bruker Energy & Supercon Technologies

Man Type C.



Hair Type A Negative.

Face Type ERROR NOT IN DATABASE.

Ross Anthony, Senior Vice President, Prudential Utah Real Estate

"Who's the fat SVP that's a sex machine with all the chicks?"

Ross Anthony.



Has the sort of skin you want to poke with a stick, to see if it's rotten underneath and if you could poke all the way through to the bone. Is also proud of his hair. Most men of his age naturally tilt the scalp away from the camera out of fear.

Alan Kandel, Business Development Manager, A.M. Best Co.

He's got his glasses on too tight and they're bending his ears up. Lengthen the arms, Alan. Any local optician ought to be able to do that in five minutes.



He's also got his tie on too tight and it's inflating his head. Has a good, firm grip, basically.

Mark Terry, President of Audio, Video and Control Group, Linear

You can tell he's never had to make anyone redundant thus far in his career. Smiles can never go this wide after you've had to lay off two-thirds of a very talented team, plus it becomes impossible to make such strong eye contact with a camera when you've had to tell a teary-eyed man that he won't be able to afford the repayments on his car from now on.

Enjoy the carefree, tie-less feeling while it lasts, Mark.



Needs to borrow the wife's straightening tongs, otherwise - CLEAN.

David Gibbons, Managing Director, Promontory Financial Group

Looks a bit sad, probably because today is Friday and Friday means it's fish pie for dinner. No one likes fish pie, especially when the wife's so bored of making it and life she can't be bothered to boil the potatoes properly any more.

At work the next day he lies about it, and says it was steak and chips. In his mind, it WAS steak and chips, so it's not really a lie.



We all have our own little coping strategies.

Ted Cole, Vice President of Channel Sales, ADTRAN

Sorry, Ted. We're thinking very bad things about what you look like. Let's just say... we flew to Australia once and a lot of men who looked like you were travelling alone and didn't get back on after the plane stopped off to refuel in Bangkok.



You look like the sort of man who might holiday alone in Bangkok, that's all we're saying. Nothing weird about that, Bangkok's a lovely place by all accounts. If you read anything into that the problem lies within you, not us.

FOUR WAY: Dr. Martin Kaspar, Managing Director, Dr. Stefan Jakobs, Managing Director, Alex Vogt, CEO, Dirk von Frajer, Head of Marketing & Sales, Optics Balzers

FOUR WAY! We've had plenty of pairs, and a few threes, but never thought we'd live (or keep the site on the internet) to see the day FOUR executives came together for a photograph. The insurance premium for the shoot must've been sky-high.



Not sure what they're touching. Some sort of magic table that bestows hair growth?

Robert Purcell, Member of the Board of Directors, Boston-Power

Man Type A.



Forgotten what he looks like already.

Patrick Caramante, VP, Engineering & Construction, Recurrent Energy

The carefully practised half-smile, the chain coincidentally peeping out through the open collar, the perfect shave - this photo STINKS of manipulation.

We doubt that's even his jacket. And those eyebrows have been glued on.



A tame and neutered Bruce Willis. We don't know what Patrick usually looks like, but it's not going to be anything like this.

DOUBLE TEAM: Steve Harris, Executive Vice President, Cascade Microtech, Inc., and Frank Averdung, President & CEO, Süss MicroTec AG

The rules of this game are you squeeze TIGHTER AND TIGHTER until one of you has to say "My product is inferior" and sign a statement to that effect.



The one on the right's fighting to suppress a pained grimace. If anyone's still taking bets this late in the game, stick £10 on Harris to close this one out within the next 30 seconds.

Rich Corrado, Chief Commercial Officer of ATSG, and President of Cargo Aircraft Management, Inc.

Has anyone got this at a higher resolution? Our Rich Corrado collectible sticker only came at 423 x 564. That can't be right. That can't be the best ATSG can manage in the year 2010. Surely someone's got a phone with a better camera on it than this?

Ask one of the youngsters, they'll all have at least 5megapixels going spare in their pockets right now. The rest of the ATSG management got a much better deal.



Nice halo-like effect, though. Just don't let it go to your head and start comparing yourself to Jesus, Rich. No one's ever come out well from doing that.