Friday, 30 October 2009

NSFW: Janice A. Nearen-Bell, Vice President of Human Resource Services Sales, Paychex

STOP THE PRESS! This one has to go in the calendar. Can everyone who bought a calendar send it back, please, as we're going to have to do a re-issue with this... this... THIS in it.

She shouldn't be in HR. She should be in debt collection, or put in charge of something not many people need. Put her in a room and tell her she's in charge of looking after the green biros, until she reaches retirement age.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Steve Waugh, CTO, My Eye Media

What's the betting Steve was the loudest man in the office by 11.00am on his first day in the job?

It takes us six months at a new company before we even start saying "good morning" to people in the morning, then a further six months of acclimatisation before we start enquiring about people's "plans for the weekend" on a Friday afternoon.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

APPEAL: High resolution photo of Mehmet Usta URGENTLY REQUIRED

Reader "Kamil" sent in a whole host of Turkish executive links, including the very fetching pryamid arrangement of Dogan and this lovely collection of staff members of Sabanci (woman alert), Eczacıbaşı and Borusan. Hopefully all of the alternate letter symbols work on your browsers.

This is the one we like best. We'll have one of these, please, Father Christmas.

This is Memhet from Calik Holding. Mehmet is imagining his desk rotating around to reveal a hidden room containing a scale model of America which he will shortly DESTROY ALL OF.

Monday, 26 October 2009

TRIPLE TEAM: Don R. Daseke, Chairman of the Board, East Teak; Wayne Rogers, President and CEO, East Teak; Don Thompson, President and CEO, Thompson Mahogany

Our first TRIPLE executive shot! A moustache. Matching suits. Some sort of handkerchief signal that is displaying his business preferences. Very well arranged hands. A bit of leg. All of them smiling. Eyes open. Welcoming! AMAZING!

This is never going to be beaten. This may have to become the new logo. If we HAD to make a criticism, it would be that the directors of the wood companies are sitting on a stone desk - it should be some sort of expensive imported teak. It would also be nice if the two on the left were holding hands to reinforce the union, but that's probably a bit too much irony for men of a certain age.

New desktop image. Our icons are currently arranged on the marble desk and stuck up like pictures on the wall. It's as if the photographer KNEW this would end up as a desktop image and purposefully left lots of clear white space for icons around the men.

To ensure this photograph is properly documented for future generations to enjoy long after we are gone, here is the full press release to explain the momentous coming-together.

Thompson Mahogany Company Merges with East Teak Fine Hardwoods, Inc.

Combined Companies Expand Product Offerings

DALLAS--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Thompson Mahogany Company, a fine hardwoods importer based in Philadelphia, has merged with East Teak Fine Hardwoods, Inc., an importer of First European Quality Teak and other fine hardwood products based in South Carolina and Washington state.

Thompson Mahogany Company will operate as a wholly owned subsidiary of East Teak, yet will maintain full operational autonomy from its headquarters location. The combined entities will leverage the strength of both companies to better serve customers in the residential, commercial, hospitality and marine industries.

Founded in 1843, Thompson Mahogany Company is a preeminent supplier of quality tropical hardwoods from Central America, South America and Africa. Thompson directly imports more than 25 exotic wood species of lumber, decking, and flooring, used for furniture, flooring, outdoor decks and boardwalks. The company ships into the ports of Camden, NJ and Philadelphia, supplying wholesalers, distributors and manufacturers throughout the United States and Canada. In 2001, the Philadelphia Inquirer recognized Thompson Mahogany Company as one of Philadelphia's historical businesses.

Founded in 1972, East Teak Fine Hardwoods, Inc. is the leading importer of the highest grade teak and other fine hardwood species used as decking, flooring, siding, mouldings and custom millwork in the construction of hotels, resorts, office buildings, luxury homes and yachts. From its facilities in South Carolina and Washington, East Teak serves the architectural, up-scale residential, commercial construction, hospitality and boating industries throughout the United States and the Caribbean.

"Thompson Mahogany has an exceptional reputation in the industry and is well known for its quality products and excellent customer service. We want to continue this tradition while strengthening both companies in the market," said Wayne Rogers, President and Chief Executive Officer of East Teak Fine Hardwoods. "Thompson Mahogany joining the East Teak family offers many benefits, including a strong customer base across North America; a complementary product line; the addition of direct suppliers in South America and Africa; and an expanded distributor network."

Industry veteran Don Thompson, President and Chief Executive Officer of Thompson Mahogany Company, will remain as President of Thompson Mahogany. Thompson has served as President of the International Wood Products Association and is a leader in the promotion of sustainable forestry. "Joining with East Teak assures that the great legacy of Thompson Mahogany will continue," said Thompson. "East Teak understands how we do business and the importance of the relationships we have built over the years with our customers, suppliers and distributors. I feel confident teaming with East Teak will enable Thompson Mahogany and East Teak to better serve all of our customers."

Headquartered in Dallas, East Teak operates under the direction of Don R. Daseke, Chairman of the Board. "I am very excited to see these two highly respected industry giants come together," stated Mr. Daseke. "Both Thompson Mahogany and East Teak have proven they know how to serve customers effectively. Their people and knowledge of fine hardwoods are the keys to great customer service. This combined company will now have one of the largest inventories of imported fine hardwoods in the United States."

Mr. Daseke was the founder and CEO of Walden Residential Properties, Inc., a Real Estate Investment Trust listed on the New York Stock Exchange until it was sold in 2000. He is Chairman of the Board of Smokey Point Distributing, Inc.; Chairman of the Board of Liquid Motors, Inc.; a Trustee of DePauw University; the past Chairman of the Dallas Chapter of the World Presidents Organization; and the Founding Chairman of Sage Telecom, Inc. Mr. Daseke was elected to the Town of Addison (Texas) City Council in May 2009.

Financing for the transaction was provided in part by PNC Bank, N. A., a member of The PNC Financial Services Group, Inc. (NYSE:PNC).

For more information, visit and

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Simon Taylor, Senior Director, Information Access Management, CommVault

Idiot. There's not many people in the world we'd like to start a fight with, but if we had to stand next to Simon and listen to him banging on and on and on about his latest sexual conquests we'd feel duty bound to hit his smug face with the heaviest instrument in the vicinity.

And take that bit of string off your wrist, this is the business world not Ibiza.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Rich Ross, Chairman, The Walt Disney Studios

This isn't a real man. This is a test shot from Toy Story 3. It's the kid's cool uncle who turns up with some exciting new toys... but what will Woody and Buzz make of the newcomers?

Disney employees always look weird. They're either 85-year-old husks no one's brave enough to fire because they used to do the photocopying for Old Mr Walt, or they're the trendy "Apple Generation" types that came on board from Pixar and are all way too keen and boastful.

Everyone. Everyone is horrible. That's today's message. Do not fall for that smile. He's been trained to pull his top lip up like that to make you trust him.

Friday, 16 October 2009

Roy Cecchetti, President, Cecchetti Racke


Can't say for sure just yet. It always takes a good few weeks for a photo to really mature. That one of Louis Bachetti, for example, is still in an uptrend and shows no sign of stopping getting better by the hour.

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Dr. Wolfgang Rüdinger, Geschäftsführer des Biotech-Unternehmens, Cytonet

Wow. We may have to start up a splinter German Executives site, if this is the sort of prime example our European buddies get to serve under every day. Or how about a blog about German job titles? A blog of photos of men called Wolfgang? We have more spare time than there are ideas, so get your suggestions in.

Can picture him putting staples under the fingernails of junior staff members.

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: Graham Cooper, Managing Director, ONEPOST

Has seen it all. He was an innocent trainee during the strikes of the late 70s. He was junior management when the 1987 stock market crash hit. He survived the dotcom boom and bust. He watched the gradual rise of women in the workplace to a point where everyone now has to pretend they're equal to men.

The events of the last 35 years are etched all over his brave, tired body, telling us tales of his battles.

If he could do it all again, the only thing he'd do differently is eat a bit more fruit in his 30s and 40s to stop his skin turning yellow. And he maybe should've taken up the wife's offer of using the receipt to return that tie.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Kevin George, Global Chief Marketing Officer, Beam Global Spirits & Wine

Was it "dress down Friday" Kevin? Or are you one of those trouble-making employees who intentionally flouts recognised dress codes to make yourself stand out?

If this is the future of business photography we may as well give up now. Next thing you know we'll start to see executives wearing jeans, then all hell will break loose.

Monday, 12 October 2009

Lester Crawford, member of the Board of Directors, Nutrition Physiology Company

AKA Captain America, Captain of America, the most American American currently in service in corporate America today.

Even his glasses are American - they were manufactured by the Ford Motor Company in 1962.

Friday, 9 October 2009

Marcellus Taylor, Chairman and CEO, Chicago Emerging Manager Firm

Marcellus, you've got a few grey fluffy ones that are longer than the rest. Get them plucked. They're ruining your 'baby face' vibe.

Bloody nice tie, though. That must've been very expensive and prestigious when it originally launched.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

MERCHANDISE: Sexy Executives 2010 Wall Calendar

We have now sold out of these. Sorry. There's always 2011.

On a bored whim we got a load of these made up. They're real items. This is not a joke. You can have one if you want one. It is a PRODUCT. And you are the focus group.

Featuring 11 all-new executives and Louis Bachetti as Mr July because he's awesome, it's the Sexy Executives 2010 Wall Calendar.

*Holds head in hands, wondering why*

It's an A4 calendar on glossy paper, with "special" customised business-themed calendar events printed on the days & dates part.

They're very nice. There are three up on the walls of the Sexy Executives HQ right now, all set to different months of 2010. It's confusing, to be honest, but even three wrong calendars will be right once during 2010.

You may want to buy one of these because you are an angry executive considering launching a legal threat against Sexy Executives, and this is proof that we are, in some extremely small way, profiting from using your likeness without permision! That might actually work.

Available now in a limited run of 100. If they sell out we may get more made up, but that's not a promise.

Delbert Humenik, senior vice president of sales and marketing, Paychex

Always purchases the type of shampoo designed for "flyaway" hair. We have emailed his HR department to enquire about what brand of toothpaste Delbert recommends. Will let you know.

Beautiful. Put some lipstick on him and we probably would, out of boredom, late on a Friday afternoon, just for something to do and to see what it's like. His body is going to be 100% hairless, isn't it?

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

DOUBLE TEAM: Adolfo Henriques (left), Chairman of Board of Directors, and Steven Hayworth Founder and CEO, Gibraltar Private Bank and Trust

A perfect pairing - one's got too much face at the bottom, while the other's got too much face at the top. One's a bit too big, the other's a bit too small. One instinctively rotates to the left, one instinctively rotates to the right.

Perhaps this meeting was arranged so they could breed?

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Susan Springer, Vice President of Human Resources, VT Group U.S.

Honestly, the picture came like this originally. It appears the photographer has attempted a bit of fashionable "tilt shift" to make her look like she's a toy person.

You need an understanding aunty figure in human resources. Someone you won't mind seeing you cry when you're made redundant.

Monday, 5 October 2009

Dolf van den Brink, President and CEO, Heineken USA

Heineken man sports the sort of smooth, vibrant, blemish-free skin you wouldn't find on the ravaged faces of his loyal consumers. No vomit stains on that tie. No creases on the jacket from where he slept in it last night. And we can't prove this, but it's very unlikely that his hair smells of cigarettes.

And there won't be any piss on his shoes. Not even on the soles.

Is also publicly showing off his wedding ring, which will reassure his wife when she sees this.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

Eve Asbury, Executive Vice President and Director of Integrated Production and Technology, Hill Holliday

Woo hoo! Have we got a treat for you today!

Can't help but imagine that bob swinging rhythmically back and forth, as she bravely secures another contract.

Thomas Mullen, Vice President, Large Market Development, American Express

We are usually against hair styling products in the corporate world, but, on this occasion, there's nothing we'd like to do more than run our gel-covered fingers through Tom's flyaway hair.

Even just a bit of wax to calm it down. It doesn't have to be anything "wet look" or too urban and youth-oriented. Brylcreem must make something appropriate that dries and looks natural.