Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Chris Larsen, Senior Vice President, Global Field Operations, Progress Software

This photo was named "Chris_Larsen_Formal.jpg" - did anyone on the mailing list get Chris_Larsen_Informal?

We'd like to see him working out in just a pair of denim shorts, or relaxing in front of a log fire with his huskies.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

READER SUBMISSION: German, Norwegian and Finnish executives

Reader "Doreen" has decided to do a bit of research into the European executive scene. We are glad to be encouraging people to waste their time like this. Makes us proud.

Dear sir,

As a regular reader of your site and a self-employed person who usually can't be arsed to get dressed before noon, I value the insights provided by the "Sexy Executives" "blog" into the world of high-powered corporate achievers.

Overall, though, the site seems to have a heavy Anglo-American bias. In the interest of reflecting today's globalised, interconnected 24/7 non-stop global business environment on a global scale, I wonder whether it might be possible to include some representatives of a few selected top European enterprises as well? To that end, I am sending you a selection of hi-res specimens below.

From Germany. Somebody should have told Dr. Christoph Seifert that the trick to prevent one's suit jacket bunching up like that is to sit on the 'tail' when being photographed. I hope he knows more about selling wind energy power units.

From Norway's Central Bank. Based on this page I have developed a working hypothesis: the more "ΓΈ"s in a Norwegian executive's name, the stronger the candidate for Sexy Executive status! Good on 'em for implementing Nordic principles of gender equality, too. Not too many Frauen on the Bosch Rexroth board.

From Finland -- Jorma Ollila is the richest man in Finland... you'd think he'd look a bit more cheery about it.

Finally, here's some that are more along the lines of your usual offerings. I do hope you will be able to leverage some 360-degree synergies from these links.

Yours faithfully, you can call me "Doreen".

Thank you, Doreen. You can call me "Ian" and together we can construct elaborate office-based role-playing sexual scenarios.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Phil Sharpe, Director of Casualty and Major Risks, ACE UK

Phil, go into the toilets and wash all that gel out of your hair NOW. And use the soap. There's an important client coming in for lunch, and we don't want this place looking and smelling like a sixth-form common room.

And TAKE that STUPID tie off. We'd rather you didn't wear one at all. And if you can't use a proper razor, buy yourself an electric one. Honestly, how old are you?

Friday, 25 September 2009

Mark Midkiff, Deputy Chief Credit Officer, Union Bank

Someone took the harsh decision to convert this image to black & white, which is a deep shame as his suit combo looks rather tasteful. We'll never know if those are pale blue pinstripes or grey pinstripes.

Possibly too many pinstripes, but nicely offset by the tie which gives shape and introduces a sense of movement.

And the top of his head makes a splendid abstract desktop image. We'd suggest putting your icons in a curve around his skull, so they look like houses going up a hill.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

INVESTIGATION: Severe staff anomalies at Northrop Grumman

Something VERY WRONG has been going on at the US defence supplier.

NEEDS NEW FRAMES URGENTLY: Bernard McVey, vice president and chief information officer for Northrop Grumman.

SKIN TOO TIGHT: Harry Chen, Integrated Product Team manager and technical fellow, Northrop Grumman Aerospace Systems. "Technical fellow" is a proper part of his job title, by the way, we haven't just put that in for effect.

TOO MUCH FACE FOR HER HEAD: Veronica Nelson, manager of the Career Pathways Program at Northrop Grumman Electronic Systems.

PLEASE ENROL IN THE SUIT MODERNISATION PROGRAMME: J. Michael Landrum, director of communications for Northrop Grumman's Information Systems sector. Many more delights can be found at the Northrop Grumman press page.

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Mike Rogers, Senior Vice President of Sales, Goodmail

Needs to lose 50lbs and shave it all off. We're here to say the things your human resources department hasn't been allowed to say since the 1960s, when companies had to start pretending they cared about the feelings of their employees.

Which finally gives us an excuse to upload the never-gets-boring J. Allard SUPER-MAKEOVER photograph, the single greatest executive makeover of all time...

Seriously, Mike, you could pull this off. Buy a mountain bike, then start experimenting with more expensive shirts. They really do fit better.

Monday, 21 September 2009

TEAM SHOOT: The Hut Group management

We have another reader submission today, from a man who seems to have an axe to grind with "etail" enabler The Hut. It's not Pizza Hut, it's something else to do with computers.

"Whilst trying to work out how many companies The Hut actually masquerade as I came across a photo set of theirs with the management team. Extremely unsexy execs."

"However, they redeemed themselves with this fine lingerie photoset" - Jamie.

This photo of Andy Flint, Head Of Buying, goes up to 3328 x 4992. We have spared you this.

Friday, 18 September 2009

Jonas Neihardt, SVP Government Affairs, Hilton Hotels Group

Smart. Bordering on the 'dashing'. This is what Pierce Brosnan would look like now, if it wasn't for hair dye and botox.

Way too much resolution on this one. We never, ever need a photo of a man to be distributed at 3744 x 5616 resolution. Save those pixels for the next Girls Aloud appearance on stage at G.A.Y..

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Julia M. Amadio, Vice President, Global Marketing, MWV Healthcare

Pearl necklace. Tight top to show off figure. If she was the only lady on your floor, you'd have to at least consider it occasionally out of boredom.

According to EU law, it's now compulsory to imagine yourself doing it with every women in the company at least once - even the old typist ladies they're too sentimental to make redundant.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Ed See, Senior Partner in Consulting & Innovation Practice, Information Resources Inc.

What's so funny, EDWARD? Has the photographer made a joke about Telly Savalas?

Are you pretending to see the funny side now, before taking out your bloody revenge in a few months time?

Monday, 14 September 2009

SPECIAL REPORT: FiberLight, leaders in Dark Fiber

Behold, the sensational executive team behind FiberLight, a company so forward-thinking it supplies high-resolution images on its staff page.

This is Ronald Kormos, the company's Chief Development Officer and Executive Vice President of Operations and Engineering. He looks remarkably happy for a man who has to type "Chief Development Officer and Executive Vice President of Operations and Engineering" quite often.

Michael P. Miller, humble enough to still let his wife cut his hair.

Kevin B. Coyne. This is where things start to go a bit wrong.

Judd Carothers. Apparently the "Executive Vice President of Sales & Marketing" despite looking like the new IT guy.

Benjamin Edmond. Could've borrowed a tie if he hasn't got one of his own. And it's too warm for a vest.

Friday, 11 September 2009

Mark Helvick, Chief Financial Officer, RESTAT

Misses out on a possible perfect 6.0 score thanks to the large facial anomally on his right-hand jawline.

If it's only a spot he could still get a 5.8, but if it's a permanent wart the maximum allowable score is 4.5.

Thursday, 10 September 2009

APPEAL: High resolution image of Chris Swires, MD of Swires Research URGENTLY REQUIRED

Look, he *is* down with modern technology - he knows how to use a telephone. And that looks like one of those fancy new types of pen where you have to depress a button on the end to make the nib come out.

Spotted on the Swires Research advanced social media portal, by regular cross-network thing-submitter "Phorenzik" whose new job clearly isn't keeping him quite as busy as he claims.

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Carol Kunau, vice president for patient care services, Adventist Medical Center

The wacky choice of spectacle frames says "Don't trust me to organise the office party" - otherwise it'll be karaoke and a disco. Fancy dress karaoke, in a gay disco.

All we really want is a nice burger, a good table in the corner, and a bar tab that won't run out by 7.30pm.

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Dieter Gaubatz, VP Biometric Research, Munich American Reassurance Company

A slightly odd head during the creation of which Mother Nature left the forehead tap running for a bit too long, but in these days of ever-declining standards we're glad to get one who's not wearing a proper shirt with a proper collar.

The tie is modern enough to have been purchased in the last decade. Well done, Dieter. Your certificate is in the post.

Monday, 7 September 2009

Bert Quintana, Global Chief Operations Officer, Sitel

Bert, you need to start shaving your forehead. Or you can get special creams from the ladies department. Maybe laser treatment? A GCOO with a visible forehead would be much better for business, especially in more hairless Nordic regions.

Some days we want to reach into the photograph and TEAR OFF those stupid collar buttons.

Friday, 4 September 2009

D. Cam Findlay, Senior Vice President, General Counsel and Secretary, Medtronic Inc.

Too enthusiastic. Crazed, almost. Wouldn't know when to stop. Wouldn't understand that it's 1.20pm and everyone wants their lunch so it's best to stop talking. You've lost the crowd, Cam. Mike's got a sausage sandwich in his bag and it's all he can think about.

Still, he's setting a great example. If you want to be Senior Vice President, General Counsel and Secretary, you need to be a bit manic. Don't stop talking no matter how bored everyone else looks and you'll soon bludgeon your way to the top.

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Richard W. Nenno, Managing Director and Trust Counsel for Wilmington Trust's Wealth Advisory Services (WAS)

That's got to be a prosthetic scalp. It's too perfectly odd.

He's compounding the problem by opting for a button-down collar. Honestly, you've no idea how angry we're starting to get about button-down collars.

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: Jeff Smith, Chairman and CEO, Teleperformance UK

£20 says he's got the most Northern accent you've ever heard.

"Bye 'eck, I swear these fax machines are getting more complicated by t'year".

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Barry Judge, Enterprise Vice President & Chief Marketing Officer, Best Buy Co., Inc.

Barry looks the sort who'd take a sick day every time work clashes with a major sporting event. Football, rugby, cricket, tennis - we'd say he's into pretty much everything except golf.

"Wahey, Judgey! Friday night, mate! You getting them in, then? COME ON! Let's HAVE IT! RAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH! Let's play puking on the tramp! PUKE ON THE TRAMP! PUKE ON THE TRAMP! PUKE ON THE TRAMP! PUKE ON THE TRAMP! PUKE ON THE TRAMP! COME OOOONNNNNNN!"