Graeme Bottger, Vice President and Controller, Alcoa

You'd look this confident, too, if your official job title called you the "Controller".

Only the Controller can get away with having a moustache.



FAVOURED METHOD OF CONTROL: Balls in a vice.

Sara Scott, Vice President of National Accounts, ProspX

NEW CATEGORY: Executives in Pyjamas.



Never thought we'd enjoy seeing a photo of an accountant in their pyjamas.

Michael Congdon, Regional Vice President, Wells Fargo

Usually it's too much grey. If we had to put money on the single most obvious element contained within a random photographic sample pulled from the executive world, it would be that it contains too much grey.

It's always too much grey. Which is why we're so excited to bring you a world first... the inaugural Too Much Brown.



Michael Congdon, who fights low-level administrative crime (stolen stationery, someone using someone else's milk) under the superhero name 'The Chameleon'.

Patrick Caramante, VP, Engineering & Construction, Recurrent Energy

The carefully practised half-smile, the chain coincidentally peeping out through the open collar, the perfect shave - this photo STINKS of manipulation.

We doubt that's even his jacket. And those eyebrows have been glued on.



A tame and neutered Bruce Willis. We don't know what Patrick usually looks like, but it's not going to be anything like this.

Peter. S. Magnusson, Vice President of Marketing, Conformiq

You can have a shaved head. You can have a goatee beard. You can have over-designed frames that hint at a self-conscious obsession with your outward appearance and a desire to be seen as a fashionable leader of men who is simultaneously non-conformist yet also practical.

Just not all three.



It's like a three course meal thrown into a blender.

Maria Ruppert-Pappas, Vice President and Business Development Officer, Wedbush Bank

Is it warmer than usual in here today, or is it just Maria Ruppert-Pappas with her suit-melting eye-lasers?



That blouse doesn't even have any buttons.

Randy "RJ" Adleman, Vice President of Global Sales and Marketing, Valence Technology

He has a moustache and is called Randy. They're making it too easy. They're handing it to us on a plate. They're having it biked directly to our office by courier. They're faxing it to our number. They're having their receptionist burn it to a CD and hand deliver it.



Extremely asymmetrical ears, but it's not about the ears.

Bill Derrick, Vice President of Client Experience, Daticon EED

Looks like he even combs his eyebrows. You know he's going to leave no stone unturned in his business dealings. He will metaphorically comb every eyebrow to ensure the client experience is as high as possible.



Amazingly accurate and uniform hair, easily the most uniform hair we've ever seen - and we spend a LOT of time looking at men's hair. Hope he tipped the barber.

READER SUBMISSION: Karen Driscoll, Vice President of Marketing Services, Sesame Workshop

WOMAN ONE! This one's standing in front of a green screen. That makes Photoshopping her into a variety of compromising locations extremely easy. We could put her in front of a rival company's logo, or stick her in the frozen food aisle of ASDA, for example, or have her standing in a cheap lapdancing club.

But we won't. That would be rude.



"For reasons I genuinely have no understanding of. I'm somehow on the corporate mailing list for Sesame Street. Little do they realise that the only use I have for mugshots is forwarding them to Sexy Execs. I have yet to work out which constellation the moles on her neck form. Maybe she was just attacked by a very careless vampire?" - Stuart A.

DOUBLE TEAM: Ugo Cosentino, Vice President Operational Business Strategy (left) and Albert Bourla, President, Pfizer Animal Health, Europe, Africa, Asia Pacific

The friendly faces of Pfizer's drive to convince Americans they need to buy medicine for their pets. Yes, MEDICINE FOR THEIR PETS.



The one on the left has been snorting ground-up dog worming tablets all morning. They de-worm dogs, and make humans feel INVINCIBLE and very funny.

Scott Kamsler, VP of Finance and CFO, SandForce

You can tell by the lines on his face that "smile" is not the usual signal his brain sends to his facial muscles. His poor cheek tendons are really working hard to yank up the corners of that mouth. He'll be aching for a week after this intense workout.



And £10 says his hands are CLENCHED FISTS. Although we'll almost certainly never know.

Tom Robinson, Vice President and COO, Harveys Supermarkets

Face like a composite image of the ideal businessman. He has been designed by COMPUTER to most resemble the man on the end of the telephone when you phone BT and ask to be put through to a manager.



How can he possibly have such a ginger moustache? His hair doesn't look ginger in the slightest. Did anyone know Tom as a teen? We would like to assemble a time-lapse movie of his ageing process. Something dramatic must've happened to him to set his hair and 'tache off on such different development timelines.

Randy Potts, Senior VP Strategic Planning, Winnebago Industries

How we would love to live in one of the isolated pockets of humanity where nobody says anything or looks at you funny if you're walking around with a moustache on.



On the flipside, we're glad to be living in a modern, educated society where button-down collars are FROWNED UPON, even by casual labourers.

Patsy Barnes, Vice President of Sales, Panoptic Security

Thinks she's Liza Minnelli.



Don't laugh at the hand, it might be some sort of spasm.

NSFW: Janice A. Nearen-Bell, Vice President of Human Resource Services Sales, Paychex

STOP THE PRESS! This one has to go in the calendar. Can everyone who bought a calendar send it back, please, as we're going to have to do a re-issue with this... this... THIS in it.



She shouldn't be in HR. She should be in debt collection, or put in charge of something not many people need. Put her in a room and tell her she's in charge of looking after the green biros, until she reaches retirement age.

Susan Springer, Vice President of Human Resources, VT Group U.S.

Honestly, the picture came like this originally. It appears the photographer has attempted a bit of fashionable "tilt shift" to make her look like she's a toy person.



You need an understanding aunty figure in human resources. Someone you won't mind seeing you cry when you're made redundant.

Julia M. Amadio, Vice President, Global Marketing, MWV Healthcare

Pearl necklace. Tight top to show off figure. If she was the only lady on your floor, you'd have to at least consider it occasionally out of boredom.

According to EU law, it's now compulsory to imagine yourself doing it with every women in the company at least once - even the old typist ladies they're too sentimental to make redundant.

Greg Lapointe, Senior Vice President in Charge of Statewide Business and Economic Development, South Carolina Bank and Trust

The ENFORCER. We would not fiddle the expenses if Greg was the one who had to sign them off. We'd pay for everything out of our own money. Even pens and notebooks. And staples. There'd be no need to ever go in Greg's office.



You first, Greg. After you. Have your choice of toilet cubicles. Have a look in all of them, see which one's cleanest, then go in that one. We'll wait outside the door for you to finish.

Mark Kelley, Vice President and Regional Consultant, Intrasweep LLC

There's a close shave, then there's spending the whole morning waxing every last hair from your face before finishing the job with a ladies leg waxing product for an ULTRA-SMOOTH finish.

At least he's learned how to shave properly and hasn't been pressing down too hard on his skin. We were in our early 30s before realising that pressing harder with the blade doesn't necessarily mean you get a better result.

Tim Dehne, Vice President of Systems Research and Development, Luminex Corporation

Here's one that doesn't require any costly 'post production' work at all.

He may have a geeky job title, but you know he's also got all the right kind of spanners to fix your car with. And his idea of fixing your car isn't just wiggling a few connectors - he'll turn up in overalls and will have it up on bricks inside ten minutes with your engine sitting on your front doorstep.

Plus there's a chainsaw in his garage and a proper strimmer with a petrol engine, not one of those 'Mickey Mouse' electric ones you've got.