John B. Eichhorn, Chief Financial Officer, Tropos Networks

NEW CATEGORY: Possibly Used To Be A Woman.



14 years of hormone therapy later, that goatee is his trophy.

Mark Legg, CFO, Memjet

It's an American from the 1950s, thrown through the VORTEX to the present day by an accident in Memjet's underground stationery storage facility.



Now THAT'S a flat-top.

J. Scott Di Valerio, CFO, Coinstar

WOW. Never mind poxy calendars, we're planning a gonzo art stunt where we project this beauty onto the side of the Houses of Parliament. It's the only way to do J. Scott Di Valerio justice.



We'll get back you you with something about Mr Di Valerio in a few weeks, once we've had time to process exactly what's going on here.

John W. Frederick, CFO, Open Solutions

Too shaved. Someone ought to tell Gillette that you CAN have too close a shave. A man needs to display evidence that he is at least technically capable of growing a beard, else he looks too shifty and untrustworthy.



He's even shaved all the downy ones off his cheeks. Probably carries on shaving all the way down to you-know-where, and around the back.

Scott Kamsler, VP of Finance and CFO, SandForce

You can tell by the lines on his face that "smile" is not the usual signal his brain sends to his facial muscles. His poor cheek tendons are really working hard to yank up the corners of that mouth. He'll be aching for a week after this intense workout.



And £10 says his hands are CLENCHED FISTS. Although we'll almost certainly never know.

Mark Helvick, Chief Financial Officer, RESTAT

Misses out on a possible perfect 6.0 score thanks to the large facial anomally on his right-hand jawline.

If it's only a spot he could still get a 5.8, but if it's a permanent wart the maximum allowable score is 4.5.

Jennifer L. Finch, Chief Financial Office, Artesian Consulting Engineers, Inc.

Uh-oh. The sporty type. Don't employ Jennifer, she'll be a human resources nightmare. She'll want on-site showering facilities, free towels, lockers for her specialist clothing, somewhere to store her stupid bike, proper mineral water in the coolers, healthy vegetarian meal options in the canteen (and not just pasta every day), plus she'll take longer than her allowed hour for lunch most days because she'll be off jogging 10 miles around the local park.

She'll also be off for weeks on end after breaking her collar bone in a mountain biking accident, will require lengthy holidays in countries where there's no mobile signal so she'll be totally uncontactable in the event of an emergency, plus she's also getting on for 40 and has a brace on her teeth so could be a considerable drain on the company healthcare scheme.

This is why most powerful men favour suits and grey backgrounds for their promotional images. That doesn't give away as many personal facts to potential business enemies.

Philip Guldeman, CFO & SEVP, Temecula Valley Bank

Yes, we'd definitely trust this man with our life savings. He may well be pulling in $500k a year, plus benefits, plus car, plus no one checking his expenses in that much detail and just signing them off - but he's still canny enough to buy his glasses from the budget range.

A pair of $69 ViewMax Opti-clear glasses do the same job as a pair of $499 frames from Red or Dead, after all.

Another button-down shirt collar. What's the worst thing that can happen if you don't button your collar down securely? The worst thing we can think of is that in extreme winds you might get you chin tickled a bit. Is that really such a problem? It might feel nice.

Tim Morse, Chief Financial Officer, Yahoo!

Pure, concentrated, unadulterated AMERICAN.

Dunno what you Americans see when you look at Tim's wide jaw, over-combed hair and immensely confident yet slightly empty gaze, but all us Europeans see is flashes of millions of half-remembered snippets from awful TV movies set in colleges, all merged into one blurry memory of hunky men in athletic clothing.

INT. DAY

The QUARTERBACK of the college football team walks down a corridor lined by grey metal lockers. He is sweating and carrying his helmet. A nervous CHEERLEADER clutching books to her chest steps out to speak to him

TIM
Hey, Lois!

LOIS
Hey Tim! You got a date for the prom yet?

TIM
Yeah, pretty sure I'll be going with Jessica Hamilton. Why? Who you goin' with?

LOIS
(sad) Oh, no one yet. Guess I'll just...

TIM
Yeah, great. See ya, Lois.

LOIS
Bye, Tim. Hope the Microsoft deal goes ahead one day.

TIM
What?