Wednesday, 30 December 2009

John Thuestad, Vice President, Alcoa

John's right shoulder is suspiciously raised, hinting that he's taking this photo himself by performing an "executive reacharound".

There's a lot to work with here. A bit of gel, some contact lenses, a more modern shirt, suit & tie... it's not too late to start hanging around with the cool guys, John. You could still penetrate the "pub lunch" crowd.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Richard J. Guiltinan, vice president of finance and chief accounting officer, Flowserve Corporation

This is the closest we could get to one who looked like Father Christmas.

Have a Merry Christmas and an operationally sound Q1 that meets and possibly exceeds internal forecasts.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Norm Szydlowski, president and chief executive officer, SemGroup

The Szydlowski family was bred underground, hence the minuscule eye-holes. His tan has come from being under studio lighting for five minutes - and he's wearing Factor 20!

The lip-whiskers are used to sense the vibrations of its prey in the total darkness of the subterranian hunting grounds.

Monday, 21 December 2009

David P. Falck, Executive Vice President, General Counsel and Secretary of Pinnacle West and Arizona Public Service Company

Odd that a man so businesslike in appearance would be taken outside for an exciting "lifestyle" executive portrait. They probably had some expenses money left to use up, so decided to all get coffees and make poor David pose in public.

It doesn't really matter what angle his torso is at. This was never going to be a classic shot. But congratulations to the photographer for trying.

Friday, 18 December 2009

Dr Peter Collins, CEO, Dezineforce

Has to wear a special protector during the night, else he grinds his teeth. Should probably start wearing it during the day as well.

Also has to have his body restrained with four-inch leather straps during the night, else he hogs literally ALL the duvet.

Thursday, 17 December 2009

GDF SUEZ Subsidiary Appoints Robert A. ("Bob") Wilson as President and CEO

He's gone for the timeless brown & gold combo, but you need a decent tan to really pull that particular look off with style. The shirt also appears to be an off-white, but that could just be poor studio lighting so we won't press the matter.

Makes us glad to be long-term unemployed.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

DOUBLE TEAM: Ugo Cosentino, Vice President Operational Business Strategy (left) and Albert Bourla, President, Pfizer Animal Health, Europe, Africa, Asia Pacific

The friendly faces of Pfizer's drive to convince Americans they need to buy medicine for their pets. Yes, MEDICINE FOR THEIR PETS.

The one on the left has been snorting ground-up dog worming tablets all morning. They de-worm dogs, and make humans feel INVINCIBLE and very funny.

Monday, 14 December 2009

L. Gary Gionnette, President and Chief Executive Officer, AgriWise Inc.

Classic. This is what we want. This is grass roots executive material. He's so anonymous he practically melts into the wall. That's not a suit, it's a salvaged Romulan Cloaking Device someone in the post room managed to get working on the UK mains supply.

Would trust him with our PIN number and special alpha-numeric password. Would even let him put his safe hands on our tiller.

Friday, 11 December 2009


Known reader "Gonuts McDie", who really needs to change his name if he wants to succeed in the business world, somehow got himself on the mailing list of Executive Biz, which has compiled a superb list of "Ones to Watch" in 2010.

A whole year of staring at the drawn faces of our business leaders? Can't wait.

"You may already receive this e-newsletter along with several others about employment best practices and ICT policy implementation. However, in case you haven't, allow me to introduce ExecutiveBiz. You might find it turns up some nice additions for what is fast becoming a lovely Website. Then again if it doesn't, I don't particularly care" - Gonuts McDie.

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Paul Lazar, Business Development Leader For the Southeast Region Operations, Wells Fargo

This is one of those gonzo executive photoshoots, where someone bumped into Paul in the street, convinced him to come back to a hotel room, then roughly pushed him up against a wall and took his photograph. The sweat on his forehead is from where he put up a struggle.

Looks like he's wearing comedy "big eyes" glasses, but upon closer inspection seems to just have big eyes.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Jack M. Kriesel, Senior Vice President of Performance Fibers, Rayonier

The performance fibers come out of Jack's own face. When he dies, the entire company goes down.

We have introduced a new category - Executives Who Need to Update Their Frames.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

John W. Frederick, CFO, Open Solutions

Too shaved. Someone ought to tell Gillette that you CAN have too close a shave. A man needs to display evidence that he is at least technically capable of growing a beard, else he looks too shifty and untrustworthy.

He's even shaved all the downy ones off his cheeks. Probably carries on shaving all the way down to you-know-where, and around the back.

Monday, 7 December 2009

Ann Dieleman, Chief Marketing and Business Development Officer, ARAG

Initially seems very lovely. Initially seems like you'd want to help her reorganise the stationery room on a very hot day. Then you start to imagine kissing her and OH GOD WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HER GUMS?

Sadly, Ann doesnt hold up to the sort of advanced, high levels of scrutiny people are subjected to these days. It's not us doing this, it's celebrity-obsessed media culture. Blame Heat magazine.

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Chris Lauwers PhD, Chief Technology Officer, Avistar Communications

Tie didn't dry out in time, Chris? Left your jacket in an overhead locker on EasyJet flight 744?

Is probably wearing green cords and CLOWN SHOES.

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Robert L. Parker Jr., Executive Chairman, and David C. Mannon, CEO, Parker Drilling

It's a Parker Drilling special update today, featuring two entries from opposite ends of the executive spectrum. First up - the creepy, withered old end.

This is the actual Mr Parker. He's the one who takes care of business and pays the bills. The drilling machine is his.

And here's the young, thrusting one. This is the one who runs up the drinks tab in the name of "building contacts". We would rather go out for lunch with the old one, as there wouldn't be as much pressure to get drunk and compare sexual conquests.

Friday, 27 November 2009

Chris Foster, Business Development Executive, Information Security Solutions, Raytheon

He's attempting a cheeky smile!

Or the right-hand side of his body is partially paralysed, in which case we apologise to Chris, his family and the friends who so selflessly helped him through "the problem".

This is what he might've looked like before.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Ray Zwiefelhofer, President, World Software Corp.

Tiny mouth. He should be emphasising the mouth, not making it appear even smaller by masking the top of it with hair. Nice skin, though. If it was stetched out a bit it'd be perfect.

Shave it off and put on a subtle shade of lipstick.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Michael White, President and CEO, DIRECTV

Nice American hair. Confident ball-busting stare. Let's pretend not to notice the THINGS.

We've spotted five THINGS. How many THINGS can you count? And what animal do you get if you join the things?

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Scott Kamsler, VP of Finance and CFO, SandForce

You can tell by the lines on his face that "smile" is not the usual signal his brain sends to his facial muscles. His poor cheek tendons are really working hard to yank up the corners of that mouth. He'll be aching for a week after this intense workout.

And £10 says his hands are CLENCHED FISTS. Although we'll almost certainly never know.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Christopher Ruud, President, Ruud Lighting Inc.

This is one of those times we wish we could remember lines of dialogue from hit movies, as we'd imagine something from Ferris Bueller's Day Off would be quite appropriate here.

We actually admire Christopher's bravery in going out looking like that. We'd be terrified of getting kicked in walking to the local shop in that jacket, never mind teaming it with that sort of hair and an unfortunately smug smile.

Friday, 20 November 2009

TRIPLE TEAM: Michael A. Mohr, MD and Head of Investment Advisory Activities for the Southeast region, D. Jack Sawyer Jr., MD and President of the Southeast region, Todd A. Tautfest, MD and Head of Business Development, Wilmington Trust

Our second TRIPLE TEAM. Three men with job titles so important and lengthy we had to get a technical advisor in to specially lengthen the headline part of this post, so we may accurately and precisely report who's managing director of what and in what region.

The man in the middle is rotating. It looks like he's subconsciously siding with the man on the left, as they are both rotating in opposition to the man on the right. If we were the man on the right, we would be worried and would start working late to read the emails of the one on the left and the one in the middle to see if they're plotting against us.

The synchronised pinstripe display team remain our #1 TRIPLE TEAM.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Bob Murphy, President, BAE Systems Land & Armaments

Too much brown. We need to run this one through THE MACHINE to tell if it's a human or not, or just a human-like stain on a bit of 1970s wallpaper from where someone tripped with a cup of tea.

No. THE MACHINE says REJECT NON-HUMAN and to put Bob in the pile to be mechanically separated, then reconstituted into nuggets to feed the rest. That sounds cruel, but THE MACHINE only has our best interests at heart.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

John M. Ballbach, Director, The Timken Company

Those glasses really bring out his eyes. As in, they let you work out which part of that huge expanse of flesh is where his eyes should be.

This photo was called "JMB_Photo_(Suit).jpg" - did anybody get JMB_Photo_(Shorts).jpg? We have lots of similar images to trade and swap. Some are harder.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Dr. Frank Apgar, Chief Medical Officer, Arcadian Health Plans

Back to normality. Back to a lovely old man you'd happily spend a few hours drinking whisky with, before making excuses to leave when he starts getting extremely racist.

We're not suggesting Dr. Frank is racist. That was just a hypothetical example of the sort of situation most of us will find ourselves in this Christmas.

"Yes, grandad, it is a Japanese watch. Why do you ask?"

Monday, 16 November 2009

Justin J. Junkus, President, KnowledgeLink

What happened here is obvious. God (let's just pretend) sketched out the design for Justin J. Junkus' face, but didn't like it and screwed it up and threw it in the bin.

But then he ran out of time to draw a new face for Justin, so had to get the old, screwed-up one out of the bin, unfold it and use it as is, sending poor Justin out into the world with a rejected, screwed-up design for a face.

Or maybe he was involved in a mangle accident as a baby, and the soft bones all reset a bit wrong. More details on Justin J. Junkus can be found here if you want to play Face Detective. Thanks to "Father Viv" for submitting the photo, which he spotted in "last month's Broadband World" should you need a glossy version to frame.

Friday, 13 November 2009

Linda L. Bourn, Managing Director of Wealth Advisory Services, Wilmington Trust

Was first in the boardroom when heads were being handed out. Was the first to reply to the company-wide email when heads arrived in reception. Inherited extra heads from the people who were made redundant.

Has got a big head, basically.

Isn't there some sort of rule about people with round heads not having round haircuts? Two rounds makes a MEGA-ROUND. Are there any women here who could confirm the ruling?

The only thing we know about hair is to try and make it go over where there isn't very much so it looks like there's more than there really is.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Charlie Willis, Financial Advisor, Southwest Securities, Inc.

Don't phone between 2.00pm and 3.30pm - that's his nap time.

If he's late, he fell asleep on the train in. Send a car to the end of the line to pick him up.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Tom Robinson, Vice President and COO, Harveys Supermarkets

Face like a composite image of the ideal businessman. He has been designed by COMPUTER to most resemble the man on the end of the telephone when you phone BT and ask to be put through to a manager.

How can he possibly have such a ginger moustache? His hair doesn't look ginger in the slightest. Did anyone know Tom as a teen? We would like to assemble a time-lapse movie of his ageing process. Something dramatic must've happened to him to set his hair and 'tache off on such different development timelines.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

READER SUBMISSION: The trendy IT management of River Muse

When all else fails, you can always rely on "The Point" to make you look wacky and full of fun.

This is bordering on "NSFW" territory. You will shortly see the one on the right holding a Mac AND a coffee, because that is his chosen LIFESTYLE.

"Mark Wilkins is only a Pre-Sales Engineer. Not really an executive. Identified here."

"The chap almost touching backs with him is Paddy Bell, Business Development Director, also to be found in casual mode here and answering the phone (think he must shout quite loudly, because he's holding it a long way from his face) here. If the downturn continues, they're prepared to switch careers and become a chat show host and cooking show judge respectively."

"My favourite, though, is Phil Blades, VP Products & Community. I like the product hold. He's workman-like, as if he has a sack of potatoes which needs shifting, yet it's as if he's not carrying any weight at all. There might be 500 gigabytes of data in that laptop, but nothing shows on his face. Cool as a cucumber smoothie" - Mr Finge.

Monday, 9 November 2009

David Vazdauskas, President, Local Thunder

Too much blue. Makes him appear amphibian. And the overly-dark background adds an aura of menace to the scene, as does his suspiciously too-combed hair. Why is he combing his hair so much? Is it a nervous thing? What has he got to hide?

Left collar also veering out of control, awful tie-bunching, jacket absent so is presumably off being cleaned. He's a one-jacket wonder. No chance. Give up and sign on, Dave.

Can imagine him dislocating his jaw and eating a rival businessman in one go, then calmly returning to his desk, leaving a trail of slime on the carpet tiles.

Friday, 6 November 2009

Alejandro ("Alex") Cedeno, Vice President of Global Innovation, MWV

Now that is going to tickle.

Alex, stop now, it's hurting. You're hurting me, Alex. Alex. ALEX. Stop. Look, it's gone all red now. Please shave it off before next time.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Randy Potts, Senior VP Strategic Planning, Winnebago Industries

How we would love to live in one of the isolated pockets of humanity where nobody says anything or looks at you funny if you're walking around with a moustache on.

On the flipside, we're glad to be living in a modern, educated society where button-down collars are FROWNED UPON, even by casual labourers.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Patsy Barnes, Vice President of Sales, Panoptic Security

Thinks she's Liza Minnelli.

Don't laugh at the hand, it might be some sort of spasm.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Bob Heller, J.D., LL.M, Principal, Clark Nuber

POSSIBLE NEW FAVOURITE! Looks like he's made out of foam. He's a punchable stress relieving mascot for the recently redundant. This year's HOT Christmas toy - Squidgy Bob Heller.

Squidgy Bob comes with three preset phrases - "I'm sorry we're going to have to let you go", "The budget just isn't there" and "This came from higher up".

Wonder how he chipped that tooth? Was it (a) snowboarding at the weekend, or (b) fainting after getting out of the bath a bit too quickly?

Monday, 2 November 2009

Robert J. Kohlhepp, Chairman of the Board, Cintas Corporation

Don't like this one. He's staring too hard. His head is too big. The skin's all loose and floppy, like it's not even his skin and is the skin he peeled off the corpse of the man he defeated and replaced on the board.

Nice shirt, though. Mrs Kohlhepp must've been up all night steam-ironing the cotton molecules into submission.

Friday, 30 October 2009

NSFW: Janice A. Nearen-Bell, Vice President of Human Resource Services Sales, Paychex

STOP THE PRESS! This one has to go in the calendar. Can everyone who bought a calendar send it back, please, as we're going to have to do a re-issue with this... this... THIS in it.

She shouldn't be in HR. She should be in debt collection, or put in charge of something not many people need. Put her in a room and tell her she's in charge of looking after the green biros, until she reaches retirement age.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Steve Waugh, CTO, My Eye Media

What's the betting Steve was the loudest man in the office by 11.00am on his first day in the job?

It takes us six months at a new company before we even start saying "good morning" to people in the morning, then a further six months of acclimatisation before we start enquiring about people's "plans for the weekend" on a Friday afternoon.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

APPEAL: High resolution photo of Mehmet Usta URGENTLY REQUIRED

Reader "Kamil" sent in a whole host of Turkish executive links, including the very fetching pryamid arrangement of Dogan and this lovely collection of staff members of Sabanci (woman alert), Eczacıbaşı and Borusan. Hopefully all of the alternate letter symbols work on your browsers.

This is the one we like best. We'll have one of these, please, Father Christmas.

This is Memhet from Calik Holding. Mehmet is imagining his desk rotating around to reveal a hidden room containing a scale model of America which he will shortly DESTROY ALL OF.

Monday, 26 October 2009

TRIPLE TEAM: Don R. Daseke, Chairman of the Board, East Teak; Wayne Rogers, President and CEO, East Teak; Don Thompson, President and CEO, Thompson Mahogany

Our first TRIPLE executive shot! A moustache. Matching suits. Some sort of handkerchief signal that is displaying his business preferences. Very well arranged hands. A bit of leg. All of them smiling. Eyes open. Welcoming! AMAZING!

This is never going to be beaten. This may have to become the new logo. If we HAD to make a criticism, it would be that the directors of the wood companies are sitting on a stone desk - it should be some sort of expensive imported teak. It would also be nice if the two on the left were holding hands to reinforce the union, but that's probably a bit too much irony for men of a certain age.

New desktop image. Our icons are currently arranged on the marble desk and stuck up like pictures on the wall. It's as if the photographer KNEW this would end up as a desktop image and purposefully left lots of clear white space for icons around the men.

To ensure this photograph is properly documented for future generations to enjoy long after we are gone, here is the full press release to explain the momentous coming-together.

Thompson Mahogany Company Merges with East Teak Fine Hardwoods, Inc.

Combined Companies Expand Product Offerings

DALLAS--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Thompson Mahogany Company, a fine hardwoods importer based in Philadelphia, has merged with East Teak Fine Hardwoods, Inc., an importer of First European Quality Teak and other fine hardwood products based in South Carolina and Washington state.

Thompson Mahogany Company will operate as a wholly owned subsidiary of East Teak, yet will maintain full operational autonomy from its headquarters location. The combined entities will leverage the strength of both companies to better serve customers in the residential, commercial, hospitality and marine industries.

Founded in 1843, Thompson Mahogany Company is a preeminent supplier of quality tropical hardwoods from Central America, South America and Africa. Thompson directly imports more than 25 exotic wood species of lumber, decking, and flooring, used for furniture, flooring, outdoor decks and boardwalks. The company ships into the ports of Camden, NJ and Philadelphia, supplying wholesalers, distributors and manufacturers throughout the United States and Canada. In 2001, the Philadelphia Inquirer recognized Thompson Mahogany Company as one of Philadelphia's historical businesses.

Founded in 1972, East Teak Fine Hardwoods, Inc. is the leading importer of the highest grade teak and other fine hardwood species used as decking, flooring, siding, mouldings and custom millwork in the construction of hotels, resorts, office buildings, luxury homes and yachts. From its facilities in South Carolina and Washington, East Teak serves the architectural, up-scale residential, commercial construction, hospitality and boating industries throughout the United States and the Caribbean.

"Thompson Mahogany has an exceptional reputation in the industry and is well known for its quality products and excellent customer service. We want to continue this tradition while strengthening both companies in the market," said Wayne Rogers, President and Chief Executive Officer of East Teak Fine Hardwoods. "Thompson Mahogany joining the East Teak family offers many benefits, including a strong customer base across North America; a complementary product line; the addition of direct suppliers in South America and Africa; and an expanded distributor network."

Industry veteran Don Thompson, President and Chief Executive Officer of Thompson Mahogany Company, will remain as President of Thompson Mahogany. Thompson has served as President of the International Wood Products Association and is a leader in the promotion of sustainable forestry. "Joining with East Teak assures that the great legacy of Thompson Mahogany will continue," said Thompson. "East Teak understands how we do business and the importance of the relationships we have built over the years with our customers, suppliers and distributors. I feel confident teaming with East Teak will enable Thompson Mahogany and East Teak to better serve all of our customers."

Headquartered in Dallas, East Teak operates under the direction of Don R. Daseke, Chairman of the Board. "I am very excited to see these two highly respected industry giants come together," stated Mr. Daseke. "Both Thompson Mahogany and East Teak have proven they know how to serve customers effectively. Their people and knowledge of fine hardwoods are the keys to great customer service. This combined company will now have one of the largest inventories of imported fine hardwoods in the United States."

Mr. Daseke was the founder and CEO of Walden Residential Properties, Inc., a Real Estate Investment Trust listed on the New York Stock Exchange until it was sold in 2000. He is Chairman of the Board of Smokey Point Distributing, Inc.; Chairman of the Board of Liquid Motors, Inc.; a Trustee of DePauw University; the past Chairman of the Dallas Chapter of the World Presidents Organization; and the Founding Chairman of Sage Telecom, Inc. Mr. Daseke was elected to the Town of Addison (Texas) City Council in May 2009.

Financing for the transaction was provided in part by PNC Bank, N. A., a member of The PNC Financial Services Group, Inc. (NYSE:PNC).

For more information, visit and

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Simon Taylor, Senior Director, Information Access Management, CommVault

Idiot. There's not many people in the world we'd like to start a fight with, but if we had to stand next to Simon and listen to him banging on and on and on about his latest sexual conquests we'd feel duty bound to hit his smug face with the heaviest instrument in the vicinity.

And take that bit of string off your wrist, this is the business world not Ibiza.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Rich Ross, Chairman, The Walt Disney Studios

This isn't a real man. This is a test shot from Toy Story 3. It's the kid's cool uncle who turns up with some exciting new toys... but what will Woody and Buzz make of the newcomers?

Disney employees always look weird. They're either 85-year-old husks no one's brave enough to fire because they used to do the photocopying for Old Mr Walt, or they're the trendy "Apple Generation" types that came on board from Pixar and are all way too keen and boastful.

Everyone. Everyone is horrible. That's today's message. Do not fall for that smile. He's been trained to pull his top lip up like that to make you trust him.

Friday, 16 October 2009

Roy Cecchetti, President, Cecchetti Racke


Can't say for sure just yet. It always takes a good few weeks for a photo to really mature. That one of Louis Bachetti, for example, is still in an uptrend and shows no sign of stopping getting better by the hour.

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Dr. Wolfgang Rüdinger, Geschäftsführer des Biotech-Unternehmens, Cytonet

Wow. We may have to start up a splinter German Executives site, if this is the sort of prime example our European buddies get to serve under every day. Or how about a blog about German job titles? A blog of photos of men called Wolfgang? We have more spare time than there are ideas, so get your suggestions in.

Can picture him putting staples under the fingernails of junior staff members.

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: Graham Cooper, Managing Director, ONEPOST

Has seen it all. He was an innocent trainee during the strikes of the late 70s. He was junior management when the 1987 stock market crash hit. He survived the dotcom boom and bust. He watched the gradual rise of women in the workplace to a point where everyone now has to pretend they're equal to men.

The events of the last 35 years are etched all over his brave, tired body, telling us tales of his battles.

If he could do it all again, the only thing he'd do differently is eat a bit more fruit in his 30s and 40s to stop his skin turning yellow. And he maybe should've taken up the wife's offer of using the receipt to return that tie.