John Wilcox, Senior Vice President, Personal Lines, The Hartford

That tie is one of the new-wave of modern scented ties. It's the 'Lemon Zinger'.



Very square face, though. Highly unusual.



Spongebob?

Thomas Whitenight, Senior Vice President, Wells Fargo Insurance Services

This is great rarity for the collection - a man whose teeth aren't quite big enough to fill his entire mouth hole. He needs to scale his smile down accordingly - you can see all the way back to his tonsils.

It's unsettling being able to see all the way down a man's gum line. Dentists go through training on how to cope, but we're thoroughly unprepared.



Tie looks a bit 'art deco' and the photographer's messed up with the lighting. We had to open the shot up in Photoshop to enhance the photo in order to estimate the jacket's fabric constituency (70% wool, 30% reclaimed carpet tiles).

William E. Dordelman, SVP & Treasurer, Comcast Corporation

Baby face, old man hair. If he dyed it black, shaved a few chunks out of the side and used a bit of styling product, he could still party with the youngsters in the post room on a Friday night.



He looks like, to put it in business terms, a cheeky little monkey.

Jerry T. Kendall, Senior Vice President of Sales and Service for USS Corporation

Like this one. He looks like Robert Patrick in around the year 2035, playing the T-8000 in Terminator VI.

He can morph his finger into a letter opener, but not a stapler as that's got moving parts.



There's also a bit of the Stan Laurel about him, although Stan would recoil in horror and bewilderment at the very notion of a collar with buttons on it.

James E. Felter, Senior Vice President, Defense Sector, STG

Ran over his son's dog reversing out of his house this morning, and then there was an enormous queue in Costa Coffee, and then his PC wouldn't boot up, and then when it did boot up there was an email - a bloody EMAIL! - from his wife confessing to having had an affair with his brother since 1997 (on and off).

Then he got the call about having to go to Meeting Room 5 for the bloody photoshoot. As is he hasn't got enough to bloody do bloody today already.



This image came as a 2896 x 1944 file that weighed in at 2.8MB. No offence, STG Defense Sector, but we doubt anyone in the world is going to use this fine image of your mighty boss without significantly scaling it down.

Jack M. Kriesel, Senior Vice President of Performance Fibers, Rayonier

The performance fibers come out of Jack's own face. When he dies, the entire company goes down.



We have introduced a new category - Executives Who Need to Update Their Frames.

Alejandro ("Alex") Cedeno, Vice President of Global Innovation, MWV

Now that is going to tickle.



Alex, stop now, it's hurting. You're hurting me, Alex. Alex. ALEX. Stop. Look, it's gone all red now. Please shave it off before next time.

Delbert Humenik, senior vice president of sales and marketing, Paychex

Always purchases the type of shampoo designed for "flyaway" hair. We have emailed his HR department to enquire about what brand of toothpaste Delbert recommends. Will let you know.



Beautiful. Put some lipstick on him and we probably would, out of boredom, late on a Friday afternoon, just for something to do and to see what it's like. His body is going to be 100% hairless, isn't it?

Mike Rogers, Senior Vice President of Sales, Goodmail

Needs to lose 50lbs and shave it all off. We're here to say the things your human resources department hasn't been allowed to say since the 1960s, when companies had to start pretending they cared about the feelings of their employees.

Which finally gives us an excuse to upload the never-gets-boring J. Allard SUPER-MAKEOVER photograph, the single greatest executive makeover of all time...



Seriously, Mike, you could pull this off. Buy a mountain bike, then start experimenting with more expensive shirts. They really do fit better.

Jonas Neihardt, SVP Government Affairs, Hilton Hotels Group

Smart. Bordering on the 'dashing'. This is what Pierce Brosnan would look like now, if it wasn't for hair dye and botox.

Way too much resolution on this one. We never, ever need a photo of a man to be distributed at 3744 x 5616 resolution. Save those pixels for the next Girls Aloud appearance on stage at G.A.Y..