Russ Smith, General Manager, John Q. Hammons

It took literally minutes of research to work out if this is a photo of Russ Smith, the General Manager of John Q. Simmons, or if it is in fact a photo of John Q. Simmons, the General Manager of Russ Smith.

It's a similar sort of problem to that which Beijing hotel staff have when greeting George Michael and having to work out if they call him Mr George or Mr Michael, as he checks in to begin the controversial Asian leg* of his comeback world tour. It's a similar sort of problem to the one that has you being called "Mr Gary" by call centre staff for an entire 20 minute conversation about direct debits.

That man is Russ Smith. John Q. Simmons was something to do with hotels in the 1950s. If we were General Manager of Russ Smith we'd tell him to buy a more modern tie. Oh, and Russ? Congratulations on the award!

*The compromise was less simulated oral sex by the dancers and flesh-coloured leggings underneath their hotpants.

Ron Sabia, President of Gulf Oil

Barbecue at Ron's this weekend. Don't worry about bringing any meat of your own, Ron's chest freezer is packed. He has all the kinds of sausages. Literally every type of sausage known to man.

Beef, pork, pork and beef, venison, pork & leek, pork & apple, pork & Korean dog sausage - everything. He also has the aura of a man who owns a semi-industrial rotisserie capable of roasting three birds at once, if you're a lady and therefore require white meat.

Such a lovely, warm, welcoming face. He looks like such a nice man. A lovely man. A nice, lovely man. But, as ever, we can't help being MEAN and wondering how far out that suit continues to go over the edge of the photo.

About that far, we believe, based on extrapolating the visible curves. Those oil dollars are getting reinvested in corporate hospitality BIG TIME.

Charles DallAcqua, Executive Vice President with responsibility for marketing, Harland Clarke

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen!

You've seen him in the masthead!

You've wondered if that's a businessman or a retired Hollywood actor!

You've looked through all the updates we've done so far and wondered why he isn't there!

You've thought to yourselves "Is that Patrick Stewart? They mentioned Patrick Stewart in the update about Ray D'Arcy, so perhaps it is Patrick Stewart? Perhaps this blog is viral marketing for Patrick Stewart's new business venture? Because no one would do this for free, would they?"

No! It is not Patrick Stewart. This blog is about high-resolution photographs of businessmen (and we are doing it for free), so unless Patrick Stewart has quit acting and opened up an organic delicatessen or an Ashtanga yoga retreat for stressed celebrities in Los Angeles recently, it wouldn't be right to have photos of Patrick Stewart on here.

This man also has hair, so definitely isn't Patrick Stewart.

So here he is, at full-size resolution...

All hail the grey/bronze business MACHINE that is... Charles DallAcqua!



That's the dream. To look that healthy and vibrant at age 62. To have that much hair at age 61. To have teeth that are OK to smile with at age 62. In the dark light of a nightclub, in a t-shirt and jeans, to be able to get away with telling girls you're only 36 at age 61.

A bit of 'Just For Men' and he could even try saying he's 29. Or he could go the other way, shave it all off and hang around at Star Trek fan conventions having his pick of the groupies before Jonathan Frakes gets there.

Charles, you are a lucky, lucky man, basically.

James Kase, new head of Global Sales and Marketing, State Street Global Advisors

James, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the results of the focus group say you look too much like a cliché of the adult male businessman to be holding a client-facing position in this day and age. Men don't want to be you and women in our test panel could only hold polite eye contact with a printed out photograph of you for short bursts.

You had a positive response among the roly-poly, cheerful fat man demographic, but we're afraid that's not enough to justify your current role.

Starting from Monday please report to the basement. Leave the suit at home. Wear some strong shoes. And shave off that tufty bit in the middle. It's not going to spread.

David Hooks, Vice-Chairman of the 2009 Finance, Administration and Intergovernmental Relations Policy and Advocacy Committee of the National League of Cities

You'd look this mental if you had to say "I'm the Vice-Chairman of the 2009 Finance, Administration and Intergovernmental Relations Policy and Advocacy Committee of the National League of Cities" every time someone asked what your job is.

Saying "I'm a bin man" might not be as glamorous, but at least the conversation moves on quickly.

Andrew von Eschenbach, Senior Advisor, Greenleaf Health

Tight lips, controlled gaze. This is the well-practised smile he's been using since prom night in 1968 when it successfully charmed the pretty pink panties right off Jessica L. Hamilton in the back of her dad's work truck. She hadn't even been drinking. She just let him. She was, in fact, extremely keen and had been hoping it was going to happen all evening.

The American flag lapel badge is there to reassure people that although he has a suspiciously foreign name that makes it sound like his family may have sought asylum in America after WWII and sold Hitler's business/man management secrets to the highest bidder in return for immunity from prosecution, he can in fact be trusted.

He would look bloody great in a Nazi uniform, though.

Mr von Eschenbach is the most powerful executive we've featured so far, thanks to his role with the FDA. His face is a bit lumpier when he's photographed while talking, plus he's not afraid to do experimental stairwell photoshoots with up-and-coming young executive photographers.

It's a good job we Googled this one before publishing it.

Dale McFarland, General Manager, KeyLime Cove Indoor Waterpark Resort

Dale's face, while relatively youthful and full of energy compared to much of the corporate world and pleasingly reminiscent of an eager boxer puppy*, proves the rule that faces can be too symmetrical.

Try resizing your browser window and using it as a ruler. He's perfectly aligned! You never see eyes and ears that evenly placed on each side of most heads, or of such equal sizes. Even his little smile dimples are on a level.

His mother is to be congratulated for bravely sleeping on her back for every single night during the pregnancy.

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Ray D'Arcy, President and Chief Executive Officer of Interactive Data Corporation

If he shaved his head he'd get loads of chicks, just like Patrick Stewart. Good old Jean-Luc will be boning raven-haired, 30-something French stage actresses until well into his 80s, so don't stop flirting with the cleaners just yet, Ray. What you're imagining happening could still happen.

You might want to take up yoga, though. Patrick Stewart doesn't wait until the lights are off before removing his shirt. Patrick Stewart takes his shirt off in the lounge before he's even finished his coffee.

Isn't there a rule about senior management not having buttons on their collars? There will be when EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES starts scaling up during the next financial boom.

Julien Courbe, Managing Director of BearingPoint's CIO Advisory Practice

WARNING: This man has an extremely odd face and head. Such an odd face and head that we feel guilty about drawing your attention to it, as he's no doubt already had an extremely difficult life in which strangers have done nothing but continually draw attention to his odd face and head.

If you do click on the image to see the big version, please, for your own safety, only look at the full-size image through a pinprick in a piece of cardboard.

And is he 16 or 44? The smooth, unblemished skin says 16 and never touched a drop, but the greying temples and visible scalp say he's served an extremely hard 44 years pushing the miserable grindstone that is life round and round and round.

Would you talk to him about the weather and gardening and road works (44) or would you ask him for help on the new DS game you've just bought and have got stuck on (16)? There's nothing more unsettling about a man than not being able to accurately gauge his age.

He also looks a bit 'Young Conservative'. And let's not even mention sexuality.

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: John Gotley, Managing Driector of Port@l

Oh dear. The British management teams just DON'T GET IT. You can't just get a bloke in the office to bring his digital camera in then stand in front of the plainest and whitest piece of wall or the blinds.

And we're all for casual shots - but you can only dispense with the jacket OR tie. Not both. Lose both and you may as well send out a photo of the vaguely retarded teenager from the post room.



Photos like this are why the UK is considered a third-world country in business terms.