Heineken man sports the sort of smooth, vibrant, blemish-free skin you wouldn't find on the ravaged faces of his loyal consumers. No vomit stains on that tie. No creases on the jacket from where he slept in it last night. And we can't prove this, but it's very unlikely that his hair smells of cigarettes.
And there won't be any piss on his shoes. Not even on the soles.
Is also publicly showing off his wedding ring, which will reassure his wife when she sees this.