Thursday, 23 July 2009

Ted Mathas, president, chief executive officer, chairman, New York Life Insurance Company

President, chief executive officer AND chairman? Ted, seriously, you might want to start delegating a bit of that authority. Maybe then you'll be able to un-clench your teeth, do some nice relaxing blinking, and get more than three hours of angry, restless sleep a night.

"W...where's my... my... c... c... COFFEE?"


Also, your hair would look thicker if you didn't put so much 'product' on the front bit. Maybe just a touch of wax on top to stop the back sticking up from now on? We know, we know, you're too busy to think about updating the hairstyle you've had since college. That's why we're here.

29 comments:

Enn said...

Fantastic writing. You make my day, Idiot.

Anonymous said...

Think you've got this guy wrong. He's cool. It's just that he's being held hostage in this picture. You try relaxing with an assault rifle trained on you.

Anonymous said...

He runs the world's largest and most successful life insurance company valued at over $232 billion dollars. What is it that you do? Oh your run a website? Also, I think I would buy some life insurance if I were you, because the non-income producing time you spend managing this website is robbing your family of precious assets that could be utilized in the event of your passing.

GigerPunk said...

Tch.
1. The world's largest and most successful life insurance company?
Sorry, doubt that one. Successful, maybe. Big, certainly. World's largest and most successful? Sounds like marketing bullshit to me.
Not that I (or, I suspect, others) care. I think you'll probably find that pretty much no-one outside of your industry cares either. The interest levels of any normal person in the world instantly shut down when someone says they work in Insurance. (Same goes for 'Financial')

2. $232 billion dollars?
That'd be 232 billion dollars dollars then?

3. Oh, you run a website, not "Oh your run a website?"

4. Advising to buy some life insurance in that tone implies to me you quite enjoy threatening people and using scare tactics to sell inferior or unnecessary products to uninformed customers. But I'm sure you're a lovely salesman that certainly wouldn't consider mis-selling something to an elderly person in order to increase your family's 'precious assets' or you'd have been investigated long ago, yes?

5. Utilised. Yankee twat.

The CEO said...

I don't just run a web site, I run FOUR web sites, with a turnover approaching hundreds of pounds.

Try showing your face around here again now.

GigerPunk said...

Four? Blimey, didn't know that.
Thought it was just the three.
However do you find the time?

The CEO said...

I'm properly "freelance" these days, as in I do about five hours of proper work a week.

Anonymous said...

ted runs the most admired insurance company in the world, and it is not me saying that, fortune magazine just delared two weeks ago, now how many people you know little over 40 years of age can achieve the success ted enjoy, i think we need to use ted as an example of an america icon,someone that we should be learning about... how to succeced, he leads the industry by far, he is the leader of the leaders, he is making sure that families are staying together in an event of death he also makes sure kids goes to college, securing people's retirement. So i reccomend that you should take him off your website if you cant tell the people good and true things about ted

Trilby said...

Does anyone know where Ted was when those deaths happened?

ThreeOliveMartini said...

Ted? Is that you?

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy Winehouse,
1) You are obviously a socialist who will ultimately rely on your government to make your life's biggest decisions for you. I'd love to see your teeth, they are probably rotten to the core. This would also probably explain the fact that you think it is "utilised", likely due to your lisp caused by the aforementioned health issue.
2) This "Yankee Twat's" grandfather bailed your countries ass out on the beaches of Normandy. You are an embarrassment to your country. This just goes to show how immature you are and most likely explains your distaste for insurance...you are uneducated and it's over your head.
3) Let me know how it works out for you when you and your family struggle to find the money last minute to bury your relatives, and working until you're 80 and/or living a meager lifestyle in the ghettos of Cesspool, I mean Liverpool. Do you even have a job? Being a 35 year old career waitress doesn't count.
4) No I'm am not a life insurance salesman, however the life insurance policies that my grandfather bought allowed my family to continue his legacy and keep over 600 people employed in the company that he started when he returned from the war 60 years ago. Sometimes it's not about the wealth of an individual, it's about the wealth of a community.
5)This isn't even about the photograph anymore, it's about your blatant ignorance.

Anonymous said...

CEO....since you are technically a CEO of your own website(s)..why don't you throw your picture on here and see what everybody has to say about "it"..No I'm not afraid to show my face on here again.....are you?????????? If not, maybe you should start a fifth website called "hypocrisy.com"

GigerPunk said...

Dear Glenn Beck,
1) Obviously I must be. Better dead than red, eh? And that must mean you're an overweight tobaccy-chewin, Bud-drinking, oil-obsessed, blood-thirsty, war-mongering, hamburger-chewin' cousin-lovin' rootin-tootin' good ole boy driving a big ole truck with a shotgun under the seat like all other 'merkins, yes?
Oh, and I get the feeling you don't like our NHS? Oh yes, that'd be most likely down to a love of people having to pay for health-insurance then, wouldn't it?

2) Bailed our arses(sic) out of Normandy? Why thank you so much for that, that's so generous of you. Just glad you didn't take any longer over it or you might have missed the party. You do realise World War 2 didn't actually start in December 1941, yes? That we'd been fighting for 2 years prior to that? What was the problem, still tucking into waffles for breakfast and your pudgy maple-syrup-sticky fingers couldn't do your trouser buttons up? Oh no, I guess it's because that was when you were actually forced to realise something was happening outside your own borders that maybe you ought to be aware of? I.e. you were forced into joining the war by the Japanese, not because of any feeling of responsibility or good will. Don't talk about community responsibility to me. Both my Grandfathers fought in the war too and the generation before that fought and died in the 'great' War as well and are buried in unmarked graves in France like many other people too, you don't have a monopoly on that point and shouldn't be using the deaths (and bravery) of millions to try and make yourself look good. That's what I find distasteful.

3. Hey, don't worry about it, I'm obviously a stinky commie liberal and eveyone knows we don't bury our dead, we eat 'em. Nom nom nom. Afraid to say I agree with you about Liverpool though. But still, how about Detroit, eh? Or Baltimore? Those are lovely places too, aren't they? And yes, I have a job, thanks. Could even call it a career in fact. What do you have, other than your grandfather's legacy?

4. I said not to talk to me about community, didn't I? What are you anyway, some kind of hippy commune-living pinko socialist? Make up your mind, man. You're either for socialism (point 4) or against it (point 1), that's how Siths like you work isn't it?

5. {Snigger}. Yes, yes, whatever.

The CEO said...

Oh god. It just started out as a bit of fun about men in silly suits.

johnnytruant said...

this is fun though, go Giger, go Giger!

The CEO said...

What I need now is for everyone to leave lots of comments questioning the sexuality of Tom Cruise.

Anonymous said...

Allowing for a business to perpetuate due to a life insurance policy pay out is a result of capitalism, not communism, or even socialism for that matter, as it was not enforced nor dictated by a government, even Wikipedia can tell you that. And while I know you don't bury your dead, you don't eat them either, you throw them in the Thames amongst the human feces....that has been the tradition, yes? I don't think that protecting and providing for oppressed people constitutes as war mongering. I do believe that a great example of that might be the American Revolution or the War of 1812, or even the attempted colonizations of India and Rhodesia, if you want a few to reference. And yes I love my truck (it's a diesel by the way, uses tons of gas), and yes I carry a gun, but it's in the back window, not under the seat. Which should tell you that I am a self-sustaining individual and can provide for my family. I don't rely on other people to provide for me. My grandfather is not my benefactor, he is my heritage and I am very proud of him for his accomplishments. I put myself through a private college education and own a $50 million corporation of my own that I started in my home 20 years ago. And in regards to your oil comment, yes, I love oil. It provides for many things that you and I use everyday. If you are not a fan of oil, then I suggest that you turn in your vehicle at the nearest recycling center along with anything plastic that you own (as anything made from it is a derivative of petroleum), ie. the computer you are hacking on, your IPod, your hairbrush, the television you watch, etc. Also, don't go to a hospital when you get sick as most of the instruments that they use there are made of plastic too, especially the ones that keep you safe by keeping the environment sterile. If you have disdain for it, I suggest you go back to rubbing sticks together to keep warm and eating berries, as you will probably tell me next that you are a vegetarian. By the way, in case you are, the gel you have in your hair and the make up you wear most likely has animal fat in it. If you are a socialist, congratulations. I do suggest however that you look to the east and ask the Bolsheviks and the Nazi's how it worked out for them.......oh, and I don't like maple syrup, its fattening....

GigerPunk said...

Don't tell me what I do with my dead. I'm Welsh, we don't go dumping bodies in the Thames.
S'too bloody far, the other side of the River Severn's about as far as we normally get, and that's just to drop litter for the 'Keep Wales Tidy' campaign. That's still too far for me, so my father in law's been doing a sterling job propping up a TV aerial for several years now. (It's what he would've wanted, he was a very hands-on, practical man.)

I know very little about old wars, I find I have other (dare I say more interesting?) things to do than being obsessed with war. Though I think the Vietnam one had a good soundtrack, almost as good as the 1812 one.

Unsure how a truck/gun shows you provide for your family. Truck says you either need to haul heavy stuff around, or you're insecure about something and have to drive something big to try and compensate.
You don't rely on others to provide for you? You built that truck out of materials you mined, smelted and refined yourself? If true, I'm officially impressed and you are truly a god amongst men.
Sadly though, the gun says to me it’s more likely you're insecure/scared enough to feel that you need protection from others (who most likely also have guns). Bit of a vicious circle, that. Still, not like you have loonies stockpiling as many weapons as they can to ‘protect’ themselves from The Reds/The Blacks/The Yellows/The Greens/The voices in their head, is there? Yeah, should be fine. God bless the 2nd Amendment! Hoo-rah!

$50 million corporation you say? Well, well done you. Have a cookie. As a reward, you can choose my next response:

a) So, that's less than the $232 billion that Ted's company's supposedly worth then? Wow. He really makes you look like an under-achieving loser, doesn't he? I see now why you wouldn't want him to look bad, as you’d look…ah.
b) Mmmmm...corporations. Gotta love a corporation. I can't get enough of them. The world needs more big corporations. Good on you.
c) $50 million? What's that in real money?

[Lady Bracknell 'handbaaag' tone]
A fan of oil?
What kind of maniac do you think I am? I'll admit I'm fairly partial to sesame oil in a stir-fry, but a fan? Really? As in, from the word 'fanatic'? Do you wear T-shirts emblazoned with "I ♥ Oil" and go round cheering for oil? Do you watch oil on TV as much as you can, in bars with lots of other men? Do you hold parties where you invite men round to all watch oil and cheer together? Do you then feel funny inside if, reaching for nachos, your hand brushes against another man’s and you glance into each other’s eyes? Do you write sexually explicit fanfiction where you and oil get all dirty and sweaty? You filthy bugger, you.

My computer is made of glass, steel, and cunningly trained ants.
I don't have (or want) an iPod.
I don't use a hairbrush, I use a 4th century whalebone comb and my TV is made from bakelite and sugar.
I’ll not have this fangled Devil’s invention in my home, Damnit!

I avoid hospital as it's full of sick people. So if something goes wrong with me I simply cut it off. I dip the stump in boiling tar afterwards to stop the bleeding, mind - I'm not daft. It's served me pretty well so far, as I still have 4 fingers and toes left. There'll come a point where I can no longer hold the scissors to remove some part or other, but by that time the NHS should be able to give me a freshly grown replacement.

No gel but you've got me on the makeup. Damn, don't make me choose between my mascara and my principles.

Look to the east and ask the Bolsheviks? But I don't have any neighbours for about a mile to the east. If you mean Mr and Mrs Bolshevik from number 2, they’re west, not east, silly.

Nazis, you say? Mornington Crescent!

Rock city said...

Life insurance companies are thieves, that's what I believe!

And how come Ted wears the most boring attire?
Show us some style Ted!

Come on, you make tons of money for yourself - how about getting a tailor and some nicer threads.

No poetry or lyrics - :)

Rock City

johnnytruant said...

I used to work for a life insurance company. I don't anymore.

The one I worked for was started by Quakers to look after families who had lost the main wage earner to an early death. Now it's owned by bastards only concerned with profit.

yoyo said...

The fact you seem to think that the Nazis were simply socialists betrays an extremely simplistic understanding of history. The Nazis were a syncretic movement. But to hell with the details, eh? If it's got a socialist label on it, it's probably all the same thing, right? Yes, I can see that now. Communist Russia under Stalin is exactly the same as say, modern day Sweden. Thanks for educating me Anon!

Also, Giger was being sarcastic when he suggested you were a walking talking American stereotype. But I guess he was wrong and you are. So carry on.

GigerPunk said...

Just remembered I hadn't posted this wonderful example of "protecting and providing for oppressed people"
(Warning: Disturbing footage, consider yourself warned. Also, not in the least bit funny so don't click if you're looking for something amusing.)
Forgot to post it last night after having to trim my post down to a measly 3,715 chars - any more than that and Wordpress complained it had to be less than 4,096 chars...Silly Wordpress.

Anonymous said...

You had me convinced that you missed part of secondary school, but now elementary too? The Vietnam War was about preventing the spread of communism in Southeast Asia, and yet again bailing out the French. I suggest that you pick up a copy of "Valley of Death: The Tragedy at Dien Bien Phu That Led America into the Vietnam War", written by a Frenchman no less. Funny I just remembered the British didn't show up at all for that one. I suppose next you are going to tell me the Persian Gulf War was about oil? Ask the Kuwaiti's about that one.
While I do enjoy modern day conveniences, ie. someone manufacturing a truck for me, I have developed certain skill sets for surviving and owning a gun allows me to hunt and provide food for my family. And yes I do haul large things around, including the charitable meals I distribute weekly to the local elderly for Meals on Wheels. And no I don't get "giddy" about oil, but it effects YOUR everyday life through modern day conveniences, even if indirectly.
a) yes, but I think NYL has a slight advantage considering they are a 165 year old company that has operations globally.
b) "being" a corporation allows management, stakeholders, shareholders, creditors and employees protect their individual interests, it benefits all involved.
c)$7 million in cash on hand of the $50 million in total assets.
truant...I implore you to find someone who has ever complained about receiving a death benefit after a loved one has died.
yoyo...considering most Nazis claimed themselves to be socialists, I think it's okay to call them that. Especially since that was the basis of their origination, "to give the country back to it's people under the government's watchful eye".
The problem with liberal minded people is that their opinions are just that, opinions. They are typically derived from hearsay and half-truths, never factual information.

By the way, all be it their deaths are tragic and unnecessary, those Reuter's reporters CHOSE to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Regardless if they were simply "doing their job" they were not obligated to be there. They took a high risk job and were well aware of the danger they were in. Just as much as a college age kid that would decide on their own accord to pick up a gun and travel halfway across the world to protect the rights of someone they have never met.

Either way we have gotten way off the true issue and that is your ability to spew your opinions with blatant ignorance. And trust me they are merely opinions as they have no factual basis and your behavior is equal to that of a three year old who simply screams for the sake of screaming because all it really wants is attention. The reality is that Ted Mathas is responsible for the successful operation and viability of a company that provides financial and emotional security for millions of people around the world. Last year NYL paid over $14 billion in death benefits to families. NYL doesn't sell a "consumer good", it sells peace of mind. It is evident that you truly do not understand how life insurance works. The man deserves some respect. Besides, statistics show that 2 out of every 2 people die. Let me know how it works out for your family when the government who has allegedly been so good to them comes knocking on their door after you die and wants their piece of the pie.

GigerPunk said...

Actually, I slept through most of University as well.
If we're getting insulting about each other's educational levels, maybe you should try reading something other than books about war? I know it must be your favourite topic in the whole world, but maybe a little variety wouldn't hurt? Tell you what, seeing as you've already tried and liked one French author, why not try some Maupassant like “Boule de Suif”? It's even set during the Franco-Prussian War, which by American history standards in almost the beginning of time, so you get both your ancient history AND war fix in the one book! Maybe after that you can try some Flaubert or Maupassant but you don’t want to strain yourself too soon.
Anyway, that's book club over this week, moving onto the more important point you raised:

Wow.
Just wow.
"Reuters' Journalists deaths their own damn fault" reports Neo-Con fucknut. Yup, of course it was their fault, they chose to stand in front of American kids with high powered weaponry, an inability to tell if someone's a threat or not and a disregard for human life. They didn't have to do that, did they?
Or, maybe they felt they had to put their lives at risk like that, in order to be able to show the rest of the world the fucked up stuff that's going on?
I know, it's war; war is messy, collateral damage, etc. But, in an attempt to make war somewhat more civilised (there'd probably be a sick joke in there somewhere if it wasn't enough of one itself) we set up rules of engagement, Geneva Convention etc. Would've thought gunning down unarmed civilians (including children) is covered somewhere in those rules, but there we go.
How about taking college-age kids, bringing them up in a climate with no prospects for their future, no hope of higher education because their parents aren't rich enough and allowing them the 'choice' of working minimum wage for some corporation like MacDonald’s or "Seeing the world" (through a gunsight) for the US army? Difficult choice, huh? Might as well sign up and play Coil of Doody fer real, amirite? Boo-ya!
Dude, it's just like Modern Warfare! It's totally sick! You get to shoot Towel-heads n’everythin! No-one says shit about it and when you come home yer a hero an’ get to fuck the prom queen!

But yes, we’re getting off the "true issue and that is your ability to spew your opinions with blatant ignorance"
I agreed with you, way back in my 1st post that Ted's company was big and successful, but that the phrase you used smacked of marketing bullshit and that no-one here really cares anyway. Like johnnytruant, I too once worked for an insurance company so you'll never convince me they’re in it for the good of the people - They're in it for the MONEY.
NYL paid out $14 billion last year? Guaranteed they would have paid out ZERO if they could have got away with it. Which is cheaper, after all? Paying all claims without quibbling or paying loss adjusters large bonuses to find faults with as many claims as they can so they don't have to pay out?

You've come to a site that pokes fun at pictures of executives trying to look either powerful or at least vaguely human to waste your time telling us we’re wrong? To show some respect? Whilst respect has to be earned, not given, I already have more respect for Ted than I do for you, as he's at least shown he either has a sense of humour or has better things to do than to fight a losing battle (hey, we're back to Vietnam again!) on the internet whilst maintaining he wouldn't stoop so low as he leads a worthwhile life. I can see why you've never bothered to tell us your name too, the shame of the non-income producing time you spend on this website, robbing your family of precious assets that could be utilised (sic) in the event of your passing must be terrible.

Either way, "Go tell it to the Marines" as I believe the phrase in your country goes?

yoyo said...

It's only the "socialists" with dodgy facial hair that are the bad ones, anyway (Stalin, Hitler). And that's not a liberal's opinion but a verifiable FACT. But what about Mao and Kim Jong-il I hear you say. Invisible moustaches, my friend. Incidentally, I have no doubt you will say that North Korea is the very model of a democracy, being called Democratic People's Republic of Korea and all. It's in the name, so it must be. Right?

I was trying to say that the Nazis were many things but it doesn't seem to be getting through. Besides, I hardly think anyone would suggest that the few socialist economic policies of the Nazis were the most objectional thing about them. The point I was making and that you have ignored is that there are many kinds of socialism, from libertarian socialism to communism. Both of those examples, by the way, bear little resemblance to national socialism. I was objecting to your suggestion that all socialism is the same and therefore all of it is equally bad, putting the Holodomor on an equal footing with the NHS.

johnnytruant said...

Why can't some kinds of people (for example gun-toting, USA-USA-USA-chanting, ill-informed, right-wing, under-educated, war-glorifying, capitalism-worshiping, survivalist kinds of people) take a joke? Why can't they stand to see their ideals and idols poked fun at without immediately manning the barricades and making wild gestures with the big pointy stick of 'get orf my land you commie pinko liberal scum!'?

Are they insecure? You'd think with all their guns and trucks and big houses and nice things and good food and tvs and stuff, that they'd be happy and content and immune to a bit of gentle ribbing.

And why is 'liberal' a pejorative term anyway? I've never understood why right-wing Americans hurl it around as an insult when it shares its root with liberty and liberation - two things so dear to their hearts.

Anonymous, why are tolerance, balance, sharing, paying taxes to help central government help others less fortunate than you, living and letting live, and everything else associated with 'liberality' such bad things in your eyes? Help us to understand your world view.

My insurance company made me redundant last year in a cost cutting exercise which also made hundreds of other staff redundant. It has outsourced its IT dept to India, de-mutualised, and has now become a corporate raiding vehicle seeking to buy up and 'rationalise' other companies for profit. All this activity is driven by public and corporate share-holders, not for the direct benefit of policy holders or members. Yes life assurance is generally a good thing when bought and sold for the right reasons, but I think you's struggle to find a life company these days whose main priorities were its customers.

Arguing on the internet. It's for losers.

Andy said...

Getting a little of content here

Rock City said...

I don't know for sure, but there seems to be something weird about his hair at the top of his forehead. What is that furry stuff, real hair or a computuer image airbrush?

Anonymous said...

Ted the Head is outsourcing 10's of thousands of jobs. May he suffer as well.

Post a Comment