Friday, 26 June 2009

Nina Buik, President, Connect

We got another woman one!

We're not sure if Nina is a proper executive, though. She's president of something called Connect, which looks like it's some sort of 'community' organised by Hewlett Packard for marketing/promotional purposes.

She's a volunteer. She might just be doing some routine paper work in return for something good to put on her CV, like that summer we spent working at the old people's home for nothing more than a character reference and a weekly 'fun bag' of assorted medications.


Her stunningly unprofessional photo also looks like she's had to crop out a nightclub/bar, four of her friends and a huge cocktail with a sparkler in the top of it.

We suspect Nina is a fraud, basically. So, to make amends, here's an image of the one person that stands head and shoulders above the rest of Connect's Board of Directors:



Anyone got any high-res shots of Alan Dick? We'd pay good money for anything above 1200 x 1600 and featuring his suit.

27 comments:

Trilby said...

I bet Nina has never said no to A. Dick.

Anonymous said...

and Trilby you must not have A Job because anyone who did wouldnt have time to read, nevermind write a pathetic humorless blog like this one. And until you HAVE a job how about you dont make disrespectful comments about smart, respected and highly successful professionals.

Would you like someone saying that about your mother?

Rant said...

I bet she'd shag anything to get a character reference.

Carr said...

Yes! Our first angry Google-using executive!

Anonymous said...

She's a fiesty one too.

Pendleton Homes said...

You'd think a "president" of a community network would know not to slag people off on the internet. Whoops.

Anonymous said...

For the record, I am not this woman, I'm a formerly targeted executive on this 'blog'. Every so often I cant help but revisit this site because I'm fascinated by you losers. Who are you, why do you have this vendetta and does anyone really find this funny? Something about that first comment took it too far and I couldn't help but comment but I don't know why I wasted my time. I'm now blocking this website from my browser so I don't even get tempted to get my heart rate up and going back to running a company. Best of luck with this worthwhile venture.

Topred said...

Ah Sexy Exec's, brought to you by the recently unemployed corporate ladder climber who didn't get picked for the promotion. Awww poor baby, way to strike back! Hahaha lame.

The CEO said...

It's not a vendetta, it's a celebration of the glorious portraits of our corporate leaders and the brave work carried out by their dedicated photographers.

If you have a genuine grievance, please use the email address at the top of the page and I'll get one of the lovely ladies in HR to take a look at it.

There's a small chance I might press a wrong button and publish your email, though - I'm not that great with these new computers. I've only just managed to understand the bloody fax machine!

Twonk said...

That is the worst angry comment ever.

Angry man criticise man for having enough spare time to leave comments on internet blogs - via the MEDIUM OF A COMMENT ON AN INTERNET BLOG!

The executive world is clearly a good decade behind the rest of us when it comes to arguing like children on the internet.

Totor said...

This angry exec CAN'T be Charles dall'Aqua. Charles would not self-google himself with the word "sexy" next to his name, because he already knows he is and that the world knows he is (from how he outclasses every youngsters in the disco).

If Charles were to discover this blog, he would look at it amused for a few seconds (for his time is a CEO's time), and with a soft but viril move from his left hand, slowly agitate his cognac glass. A small, benevolent smile (the smile of a man who knows his valor) would illuminate is right cheek, and he would then comment to the nervous collaborator who thought it was very important to signal him this blog "Haha, that's nothing. They're young, let them have their experiences, has their learn from us, silver executive foxes."
Then, with his superior mental ability, he would then shortcut back his collaborator to work : "It's 11pm, we can still win a few marketshare before clubbing tonight". A men's leader.
(end of Charles Dall'Aqua fan fiction.)

This anonymous is a woman's rant. Full of decaying, rancid oestrogens. My bet is on Deborah Duffey.

Trilby said...

Ruh-roh!

Erwin said...

So I just found out about this blog, read all the way through it and then decided I was going to comment on this entry to say how much I loved it...
and then it only got better! Oh my, this is a great day. In other news, I totally think that was Lance Dore, in which case I'd say be afraid, be very afraid...

Anonymous said...

i bet she came back to read the rest of the comments..
good luck blocking sites from your browser in the future, hey.. good luck blocking anything you dont like out of your life. I hear it works wonders sis

yoyo said...

Is this anonymous "executive" genuine? I think it's just some regualr reader being a troll.

I hope they're "for real", though. If they are I bet they're American. Must be. They don't understand the British tradition of good natured piss-taking.

How do you block websites from your browser, anyway? Is it something a bit more technical that just not visiting the website in question anymore?

Anonymous said...

Nina has definitely used Botox...

Anonymous said...

Would.

Anonymous said...

Is Connect by any chance an escort site? *furtive rubbing*

Rock City said...

Besides the poems and lyrics to songs I've posted recently, I thought I would post a more serious note about corporate ladder climbing and what I perceive the mess that many people are in, as they fool themselves through life.

First a quick note and a post of John Lennon's lyrics "Watching the Wheels" ; Artists like John Lennon ( who I admire for his honesty, independence and spirituality) had it so right when he wrote:

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I'm o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell that I'm doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball?

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,

People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there's no problem,
Only solutions,
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind,
I tell them there's no hurry...
I'm just sitting here doing time,

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.

Now will make another post with some commentary (Word Press only allows 4096 characters)

Rock City said...

So we see that you work all day to earn your pay To pay off all your debts You rent your square to live in And that's the best it gets

Cubicle man & woman do what they can To keep themselves alive Pays their share for their little square In order to survive

Locked in a race, the money chase The systems fooling you The more you make the more they take And there's nothing you can do


To work for a living means either to be a slave, stuck in an entry-level position forever, or to climb the corporate ladder and be a sycophant, a hypocrite, and a robot, losing all touch with one's soul, constantly trying to please a boss

We're Wage Slaves for Market Forces
In modern times, the main problem with "work" is that so many people have sunk into a life of alienated labor: the gap between "what people do" and "what people need" has become unbridgeable.

Rock City said...

Human beings are no longer in touch with Mother Nature or even with human nature. It should not be surprising if they feel that the locus of power is no longer within them.

All human beings need to refrain from "working" for a living. "Work," as it is generally known, is a complete denial of the liberal education that people struggle for in their youth.

The modern corporation has no room for liberal thinking; on the contrary, to work for a living means either to be a slave, stuck in an entry-level position forever, or to climb the corporate ladder and be a sycophant, a hypocrite, and a robot, losing all touch with one's soul, constantly trying to please a boss.

The boss is in turn dehumanized by those on the next-higher level of authority. What a contradiction most people endure: they pay lip service to democracy on a political level, yet they spend eight hours a day in an economic environment that is totally undemocratic!

One of the most famous champions of the work ethic was Benjamin Franklin, with his proverb, "Time is money."

What Franklin meant, unfortunately, is that time - one's life - must never cease to be anything but the pursuit of money. Money must always be pursued, never merely enjoyed.

Where do the problems of modern "work" come from? Well, partly from the fact that there is no intelligent life on earth. Like so many other species, the human species expands and consumes until its members starve and die.

The three basic problems of human life have still not been solved: overpopulation, over-consumption of resources, and destruction of the environment.

As a result, the competition for survival is intense, and for most people life is just a long stretch of drudgery followed by an ignoble death.

The person who can best provide an understanding of the nature of work is not really Marx, but Darwin - although what is involved is cultural, not genetic evolution.

It is the intense struggle for survival, the intense struggle by each human against other humans, that leaves people cursed with having to work and work, until everything before their eyes is just a gray blur.

No child can imagine the situation, no child can imagine that for ten thousand mornings an alarm clock will drive him or her out of a warm bed and out into the cold predawn streets. But that is exactly what happens to almost all human beings, until the Angel of Death has mercy upon them.

A Darwinian struggle for survival, an eternal competition against our neighbors, is the first and greatest commandment.

Rock City said...

This planet is only eight thousand miles wide, but we are convinced that everything we see or touch must be made bigger, faster, and more powerful.

If the television commercials allow a flickering image of lounge chairs, cool drinks, and palm-sheltered beaches, our minds are in no danger of corruption, and for civilized man a vacation is no more than a financial bloodletting.

Certainly no one who wears a necktie can feel anything but vaguely cheated by the two weeks holiday.

After the first few days of trying to enjoy a vacation, one can see why Thoreau said (in the second chapter of _Walden_), "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life. . . ."

It is sad to see people who have no income at all, but it is perhaps sadder to see young people grabbing at "high tech" jobs, thinking that in that way they can protect themselves from the storm of laissez-faire capitalism.

No matter how many hours one spends in front of a mirror, perfecting one's hairstyle and one's buzzwords, it is just not possible to turn oneself into an adequate piece of machinery, not when the machine is really designed to make money for people who sit in the back seats of limousines with tinted windows.

Even if one could become that ideal piece of machinery, one would not be happy. Such "ambitious" young people may be losing touch with the notions of dignity, honor, and self-respect.

It is misleading to talk about the "daily grind" when the grind is not "daily" but eternal. In fact, the grind is almost everything: one's daily job takes up more time that any other part of the twenty-four hour cycle, and certainly more time than any other phase of one's life.

Perhaps some well-paid industrial psychologists have looked into the question of making the grind even more pervasive. (For those who have jobs, of course - for a large number of people, ironically, there is the vast emptiness of unemployment.)

If the research and development of sleep were ever left to large corporations, they would do their best to reduce human slumber to zero.

After all, sleep is a big waste of time, a third of a human life, and that time could be devoted to increasing production of goods and services, increasing the Gross Domestic Product, increasing corporate profits.

The only answer to the global economy is the local economy. The unasked-for global community should be balanced by the local community: the band or village.

Every time people produce their own goods and services, they are striking three blows against corporate feudalism: they are not increasing the income of a CEO in New York, they are no longer alienated from their own labor, and they cannot be laid off as redundant.

Of course, they will not want to reduce themselves to an utterly Paleolithic style of life, so they should trade their goods and services with other people in that local community: turnips for blankets, pottery for furniture.

Human beings need the kind of work that does not require them to sacrifice their dignity or their self-esteem.

They do not need masters, because they can be their own masters. They do not need to be slaves, and they do not have to possess the mentality of slaves, thinking always of somewhere to hide, thinking always that sleep is the ultimate goal.

They need to live on their own land, to work their own land, to watch the wind-stirred grain turning to gold under the summer sun.

Rock City said...

So this website rocks - the guys that put this together are awesome.

To me, it's brilliant satirical journalism. For you far right capitalists who get offended and aren't smart enough to figure, let's define satirical :

--- " exposing human folly to ridicule" ; "a persistent campaign of mockery by the satirical fortnightly magazine"

Which is exactly what this community website is.

The human folly of these perfect executives climbing, climbing climbing, and showing how they are the appointed shining stars amongst the heathens. All their perfection and princely features embodied embodied in corporate photography.

Ha Ha Ha.

Have you noticed just how offended some of these people get when we find humour in their folly?

They get so defensive !!!

You guys rock who put this website together - keep it up.

In the 50's, 60's and 70's, you would have been the Rock and Rollers - the guys who broke the music establishment of boring monotonous big band and crooners. I mean, crooners and big band are OK, but the establishment did their best to thwart progressive music like Rock.

Cheers.

Generic Viagra said...

I do not know why, but Nina seems to me a good worker and totally qualified to work!

Anonymous said...

:D

Anonymous said...

:D

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