Wednesday, 31 March 2010


It's not technically possible for the human brain to remember all the names of these chaps, let alone their job titles and if third-from-right is President or Vice President. So you'll have to do your own research into the backstory of how this meeting came into being.

The post-meeting buffet must've been quite a sight.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Thomas Whitenight, Senior Vice President, Wells Fargo Insurance Services

This is great rarity for the collection - a man whose teeth aren't quite big enough to fill his entire mouth hole. He needs to scale his smile down accordingly - you can see all the way back to his tonsils.

It's unsettling being able to see all the way down a man's gum line. Dentists go through training on how to cope, but we're thoroughly unprepared.

Tie looks a bit 'art deco' and the photographer's messed up with the lighting. We had to open the shot up in Photoshop to enhance the photo in order to estimate the jacket's fabric constituency (70% wool, 30% reclaimed carpet tiles).

Monday, 29 March 2010

Corporate Executive Lifestyle Photography - on location Scottsdale Arizona

WOW. This is Rob, Chief Operating Officer of Walton International. We're getting a bit of Joaquin Phoenix coming through on channel three, from the heady days before his mental breakdown. Or was that just a joke in the end?

Christmas Santa Poser Photo - University of Phoenix Stadium

Adam Nollmeyer, ACME Photography Phoenix

Due to a copyright complaint by photographer Adam Nollmeyer, we have replaced the photograph of Rob with a photo of Adam. It isn't as good, for many reasons, but fills a gap in the layout.

Due to another copyright complaint by Adam Nollmeyer of ACME Photography, we've replaced the photo of Adam Nollmeyer with two alternative photos of Adam Nollmeyer, the latter of which shows him before he gave up and started shaving it all off.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Dr. Marvin Slepian, Co-Founder and Chairman, SynCardia Systems, Inc

He's looked after himself. Almost certainly moisturises, plus those teeth show he's never gone through a five-cans-of-Coke-a-day phase and he doesn't hide from work and people by making himself endless cups of tea.

And hummus. We're thinking of hummus.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

APPEAL: High-resolution image of Ralph de la Vega required

Anyone got an HD shot of Ralph de la Vega? It's not for anything weird, just putting on the internet. We've got lots to trade in return, including several unpublished candids of Terrence O'Tormey a disgruntled ex-employee sent in.

We spotted Ralph on the home page of CTIA Wireless, so if you happen to be hanging around at a mobile phone trade show in the near future, do us all a favour and back him into a well-lit part of his company's stand and take us a shot. Not with a phone, though. With something proper.

Monday, 22 March 2010

READER SUBMISSION: John L. Thornton, Partner, Goldman Sachs, Ford Board of Directors

Classic executive frames. Those are original DataMasters. They magnify numbers by a factor of 1000.

Is there a photographic equivalent of carbon dating? Can you get an approximate date of capture through spotting minute known imperfections in the lens system? We'd like to know if John walks around like this today.

"I have another for you. The thing is, after looking at him I can't work out if I want to laugh, or just hide behind the sofa and pray for a power-cut, thus rendering my screen inactive. I think it's a combination of the black and white or that astounding hair, or the glasses, or the fact that he looks like a caricature of an actual executive" - Chris.

Friday, 19 March 2010

William E. Dordelman, SVP & Treasurer, Comcast Corporation

Baby face, old man hair. If he dyed it black, shaved a few chunks out of the side and used a bit of styling product, he could still party with the youngsters in the post room on a Friday night.

He looks like, to put it in business terms, a cheeky little monkey.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Greg Novak, CEO and Managing Partner, Novak Druce + Quigg

Would very much like to "party" with Greg following a long and drawn out period of tense business negotiations.

By 2.30am we'd be drunk enough to ask him exactly what's going on with his hair and if his "tally" of female co-workers has smashed the psychological 1000 barrier yet.

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

David H. Baris, Partner, BuckleySandler

Very ladylike skin and face, and he's not doing himself any favours with the effeminate tortoiseshell frames. His opinion would count for nothing when the alpha males get together.

And... is that last night's mascara?

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Dr. Louis Louca, Surgeon/VAD Coordinator, Onassis Cardiac Surgery Center

OK, so he's a heart surgeon not an executive as such, but you try doing a blog about men and ignoring a beard like this. IT CANNOT BE DONE. This beard CANNOT BE GLOSSED OVER.

We also doubt it can be shaved off. It's been left too long and has gone wild. If you try to remove that now it'll take off all the flesh as well. You'd think a doctor would know not to let it get into that sort of state.

Monday, 15 March 2010


Graham has updated his image. The last time we featured him he was DOUR and DARK like a BUSINESS MISERY TYPHOON, but now he's been told what to wear by a lady in human resources and has emerged positively beaming, refreshed and invigorated and ready to lead ONEPOST to new commercial heights.

He has even been talked into wearing a yellow tie, because yellow isn't considered to be even the slightest bit gay nowadays.

His hair's gone grey - that's the stress of a recession year for you. The only thing we know about wearing suits is that you NEVER do up the bottom button. Because, well, it makes the top go out of alignment, like Graham's has there.

Friday, 12 March 2010

Maria Ruppert-Pappas, Vice President and Business Development Officer, Wedbush Bank

Is it warmer than usual in here today, or is it just Maria Ruppert-Pappas with her suit-melting eye-lasers?

That blouse doesn't even have any buttons.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Matthew Natcharian, Managing Director and Head of the Structured Credit Team, Babson Capital Management

He's so far gone he might as well grow a moustache. He'd be great with a moustache.

That expression has the tell-tale controlled muscular rigidity of one that's been practised extensively in a mirror.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

TRIPLE TEAM: Travis Doster, Director of Public Relations, Texas Roadhouse, Ed Sabatka, Chef and Owner, Uncle Ed's Steakhouse James LoCascio, Executive Chef, Barclay Prime

We've got another TRIPLE TEAM! And this one's a corker. This one features sweaty brows and Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

Three men who work in the meat industry. They all won awards for something or other, to do with meat. There was a press release, but it was a bit long and about the American meat industry. We won't reproduce it.

Here's a closely-cropped shot of the man in the middle, to save you having to stammer about asking for it.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

John Kenner, President, North America, Schindler Elevator Corporation

Tom Cruise in the big-screen adaptation of the Northern Rock banking crisis. Lost out in the OSCARS to Brad Pitt's dramatisation of the RBS rights issue.

Is there a name for the quiff created by uplifting the fringe in such a fashion?

Friday, 5 March 2010

APPEAL: High-resolution photo needed of William D. Young, Executive Chairman of the Board, NanoString Technologies

You'd think a company as forward-thinking-sounding as NanoString Technologies would be a bit more tech-savvy than to send out a virtually useless 61k JPEG image file at a resolution of 343 x 480.

William could've been a 2011 calendar contender, had someone at the company not foolishly hit 'Resize for Web'.

Thursday, 4 March 2010

READER SUBMISSION: Bill Ford, AKA Willie Clay, Executive Chairman, Ford

We hereby DECREE that all executives must HENCEFORTH be photographed with an elbow placed casually upon the thing their company produces. It saves on having to explain what the company MAKETH.

And if you look at the big version, you can see which way Bill 'dresses'. That information could make or break a business deal.

"I thought you'd enjoy a snap of Bill Ford, or 'Willie Clay' as he's known to his pals. He has a car in his picture, an actual car! But even more astounding is the fact he has legs, two of them! Anyway, hope you like it. I love the website, it makes me chuckle on a regular basis" - Chris.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Richard R. Schlinkert, Southeast Regional Sales Manager, Jupiter Systems

He's using his hair to make a frame for his face. Clever idea. It stops the brain from having to work so hard on locating the face.

For some bizarre reason we can picture him having webcam sex. His face seems to shout out webcam sex. Maybe it's because he's taken his tie off and started to unbutton his shirt? That's what we always ask them to do.

We're not suggesting Richard does or has ever done webcam sex, just that he looks the sort you might see were you to log into Chatroulette at 4.45am. It's not a crime to say something looks like something, is it? Guess we're about to find out.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Randy "RJ" Adleman, Vice President of Global Sales and Marketing, Valence Technology

He has a moustache and is called Randy. They're making it too easy. They're handing it to us on a plate. They're having it biked directly to our office by courier. They're faxing it to our number. They're having their receptionist burn it to a CD and hand deliver it.

Extremely asymmetrical ears, but it's not about the ears.

Monday, 1 March 2010

TRIPLE TEAM: Alex Kohner, David Krintzman and Todd Rubenstein, Attorneys, Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner

Spend every Friday night loudly and increasingly aggressively quoting lines of dialogue from "Swingers" in a small suburban bar much to the annoyance of the regular clientele?

Step right into their shiny world.

The press release is a monster. You'd think being in the entertainment field they'd have learned the importance of brevity. Here it is for your consideration, by way of helping explain why the company is called "Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner".

Imagine being the poor receptionist who has to say all that when answering the phone.

Entertainment Law Firm Announces Addition of Three Attorneys to its Letterhead, Resulting in the New Name, "Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner"

Entertainment Law Firm "Morris Yorn Barnes & Levine" announced today that it has added three long-time firm attorneys, David Krintzman, Todd Rubenstein and Alex Kohner to the firm's masthead, which will now be "Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner."

Founding partner Kevin Morris said, "Jared Levine, Stephen Barnes, Kevin Yorn and I are very proud today. The elevation of these three homegrown guys is well deserved and an important milestone in the history of our firm. It is also very fulfilling for each of us personally, since we've worked together as close friends for some time. We are looking to Dave, Todd and Alex to help lead the firm as we take the next steps into the fast-changing and opportunity-filled business of entertainment. And to continue the pursuit of our permanent objective: providing better service to our clients."

Krintzman, Rubenstein and Kohner's status on the front wave of the business is confirmed by a quick survey of end of the year movies. For example, David Krintzman represents Zoe Saldana who is the female lead in "Avatar," winner of 2 Golden Globes and nominated for 9 Academy Awards; the highest grossing film of all time. Todd Rubenstein represents Anna Kendrick, an Academy Award and Golden Globe nominee, who stars in "Up in the Air," one of the most acclaimed films of 2009. And Alex Kohner represents Chris Weitz who directed the Twilight sequel, "New Moon," which set the all time record for first day box-office and went on to become a global mega hit.

David Krintzman joined the firm as its first associate in 1995. David represents actors, writers, directors and producers in film and television. He works on behalf of many of the firm's most prominent clients including Matthew McConaughey, Scarlett Johansson and South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone. In addition, David has cultivated an eclectic list of clients such as Australian actor Liam Hemsworth who stars with Miley Cyrus in Disney's upcoming "The Last Song," author James Frey (Bright Shiny Morning, A Million Little Pieces), producers Art and John Linson ("Into The Wild," "Sons of Anarchy") whose film "The Runaways" will be released in March and toy company, Spin Master, which has a film based on the company's hit toy, "Bakugan," set up at Universal.

Todd Rubenstein joined the firm in 1998 and has had tremendous success bringing in new and emerging talent and has been instrumental in expanding the firm's practice into online media and branding. Rubenstein pioneered the emergence of media personality Perez Hilton as ever-present innovator in celebrity reporting. Hilton has become a global brand extending into all forms of media. Rubenstein also represents Academy Award nominee Anna Kendrick ("Up in the Air,"), Jackie Earle Haley("Little Children," "Nightmare on Elm Street," "Shutter Island"); Maggie Grace ("Taken," "Knight and Day"), Victor Rasuk ("How to Make It in America"), actor/comedian Mike Epps ("The Hangover"), author Bryan Burroughs ("Public Enemies"), and actors such as Harvey Keitel, Ian Somerhalder ("The Vampire Diaries"), Annalynne McCord ("90210"), and Kyle Bornheimer ("Worst Week").

His other clients include the DGA Award winning director, Jason Winer ("Modern Family," "Arthur"), writer Jeremy Garelick ("The Break Up," "The Hangover"), Anders and Morris ("Hot Tub Time Machine," "She's Not That Into You") and director Peter Sollett ("Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist"). He continues to work with many of the firm's long-term clients including Minnie Driver and Chris Rock.

Additionally, his accomplishments include the brokering of multi-million dollar spec sales, representing and renegotiating cast deals on "The Sopranos," and being published in Filmmaker Magazine for his expertise in optioning book rights. Rubenstein is actively involved in InsideOUT Writers, a non-profit creative writing program for incarcerated youth, and is on the board of directors for Jail Guitar Doors, a non-profit focusing on rehabilitation through music and the arts.

Alex Kohner joined the firm in 2002 and is experienced in all facets of the motion picture and television industry. His clients include actors John Cho ("Star Trek," "Flash Forward") and Heather Graham ("The Hangover"), filmmakers Uli Edel (Academy Award nominated "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex"), Michael and Mark Polish ("The Astronaut Farmer"), and Academy Award nominees Paul and Chris Weitz ("American Pie," "About a Boy," "New Moon," "Little Fockers"), screenwriters Pete Chiarelli ("The Proposal") and Kelley Sane ("Rendition"), and television writer/producers David Wilcox ("Law and Order," "Fringe") and Charles Murray ("V"). From the outset of his career at Manatt, Phelps and Phillips, Kohner has also developed extensive expertise in book publishing and represents numerous authors including New York Times Bestsellers Lisi Harrison (The Clique series), Melissa de la Cruz (Blue Bloods series), and Evan Wright (Generation Kill). Kohner has also negotiated publishing deals for many of the firm's high-profile clients including Ellen DeGeneres, Chris Rock, Artie Lange, Zach Galifianakis, Jeff Garlin, Tony Hawk and Anthony Zuiker.

Co-Managing Partner Kevin Yorn said, "All three of these guys are fantastic partners and such accomplished attorneys. The firm has been so lucky to have them over the years and I am excited to move into the future with Dave, Todd and Alex. It is all the more gratifying since we have all been very close friends for years."

"Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner" is a thriving entertainment law firm specializing in the practice areas of film, television, marketing and promotion, technology, new media and entertainment finance. Well known for its emphasis in talent-based representation, the Firm has successfully blended its legal expertise with real-life problem-solving to become a force in the entertainment business. Founded in 1995, the firm's practice has grown rapidly in both size and reputation. It has achieved enormous success by working closely with its clients' entire professional team in formulating and implementing remarkable long-term business and financial strategies. By merging an aggressive deal-making philosophy with an innovative approach to firm management, MYBLKR&K has emerged as the leading entertainment law firm of the next generation of Hollywood.

The Firm's clients cover the entertainment spectrum and include respected actors, writers, directors, comedians, authors, prominent brands, production companies, technology start-ups, financial institutions and several Fortune 500 corporations. The client list includes South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Ellen DeGeneres, CSI Creator Anthony Zuiker, Matthew McConaughey, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Rock, Katherine Heigl, and Tony Hawk.