Monday, 31 August 2009

Greg Lapointe, Senior Vice President in Charge of Statewide Business and Economic Development, South Carolina Bank and Trust

The ENFORCER. We would not fiddle the expenses if Greg was the one who had to sign them off. We'd pay for everything out of our own money. Even pens and notebooks. And staples. There'd be no need to ever go in Greg's office.

You first, Greg. After you. Have your choice of toilet cubicles. Have a look in all of them, see which one's cleanest, then go in that one. We'll wait outside the door for you to finish.

Friday, 28 August 2009

MEET THE TEAM: Leaders Bank, Arizona

They shouldn't have put that one in the middle. The photographer was simply too polite.

"With an average of 23 years of banking experience, the bank officers of Leaders Bank have a dedicated focus on serving private business owners, their families and other entrepreneurs with customized solutions. Shown from left to right: Steve Ritter, SVP and Director of Human Resources; Kathy Hardy, SVP and Chief Credit Officer; Jim Lynch, President and CEO; Elizabeth Snyder, SVP and Chief Compliance Officer; Sara Mikuta, Chief Financial".

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Hudson, Gavin & Martin are Ready, Willing & Able

WARNING! Arty photoshoot alert!

These superbly moody shots were sent in by reader "Tom" who spotted them on the web site of HGM Legal. This one is Simon Martin.

This one's Mark Gavin. Mark is our favourite at the moment due to his Hitler hair and the way he didn't cave into the photographer's demands to smile more. That shows a steely nerve. But things might change. We're still digesting these images. Tomorrow, Simon might emerge as the favourite.

This is Wayne Hudson. We would not mess with Wayne. If Wayne emails in asking us to remove this update we will comply. Unlike when Deborah Duffy and James Kase got their people to complain.

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

David Dobson, Executive Vice President and President, Pitney Bowes Management Services

Piercing blue eyes and as full a head of hair as you can realistically expect from a man of his age. Nice, expensive shirt and classy tie. Body mass appears to be within the norm for his height. Lightly tanned, indicating he works to live, not lives to work.

Well shaved. David, congratulations - you've passed!

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Carol G. Kroch, Head of Wealth and Financial Planning, Wilmington Trust Wealth

Remember, if you are IN CONTROL of your hair, you are IN CONTROL of your business.

Imagine how tightly her bottom must be clenched.

Monday, 24 August 2009

Joshua ben Michael Padron, President, DeVry University's South Florida Metro Area

There's enough data in this photograph to keep a team of forensic hairstylists busy analysing it for decades.

Very womanly features, reminiscent of a bearded-up lesbian songstress KD Lang.

They've never been seen in the same bar together. Although that doesn't prove much in this case.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Rod Hochman, MD & CEO, Swedish Medical Center

Another lovely photo to print out and tell everyone it's your real dad.

That man sitting on the sofa watching Sky Sports 2 isn't my real dad. My real dad is Ron Hochman, MD & CEO, Swedish Medical Center. My real dad owns a suit. Look, I have a photo of him in my wallet. He must be my dad if there's a photo of him in my wallet.

No one would carry around a printout of a photo of a man they got off the internet, would they? That would be odd.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Mario Mele, member of the Board of Directors, Aqua America Inc.

RULE #1: If you like the way you look in a photo, keep using it. Even three decades later.

Say what you like about him in the comments. People old enough to have photos of themselves taken using black & white film aren't on the internet.

Monday, 17 August 2009

Mark Kelley, Vice President and Regional Consultant, Intrasweep LLC

There's a close shave, then there's spending the whole morning waxing every last hair from your face before finishing the job with a ladies leg waxing product for an ULTRA-SMOOTH finish.

At least he's learned how to shave properly and hasn't been pressing down too hard on his skin. We were in our early 30s before realising that pressing harder with the blade doesn't necessarily mean you get a better result.

Friday, 14 August 2009

Chuck Sullivan, Senior Vice President Global Online Services, Hilton Hotels Corp.

We'll let this one speak for itself.

The Mona Lisa doesn't need a cynical paragraph of text above and below it to keep the viewers engaged, does it?

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Laura Hastings, Director of Account Management, Goodmail

The poor women ones hardly ever get good studio shots. It's usually because the company is so pleased with itself for promoting a woman to a senior position it just can't wait to send the photo & press release out.

Or it could be because women tend to have lots of photos of themselves to hand, so there's no need to book a proper photography session.

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Charles F. Bolden, NASA Administrator

Reader "Sam" alerted us to the existence of this collection of NASA photographs, which features several NASA executives evocatively photographed in front of the Stars & Stripes.

When it's to do with NASA and space we don't mind having PATRIOTISM rammed in our faces. It's a very beautiful collection. Hi-res versions of the shots are available, many taken with the Saturn V of digital cameras - the Nikon D3X.

Much, much more available at NASA HQ Photo's photostream.

Monday, 10 August 2009

Joseph E. McKeever, East Region Surface Transportation Director, T.Y. Lin International

Possible dual-combination best/worst executive photograph EVER.

The press release says Joseph has "35 years of experience that includes successfully managing major civil infrastructure projects" - and it looks like he visits work-in-progress sites and raises staff morale by letting workers smash him in the face with a shovel.

Friday, 7 August 2009

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: John Harrison, Managing Consultant for Building Energy Management, NESS UK Ltd

John's idea here was to make the photographer kneel before him, thereby creating the impression that John is BIGGER and TALLER and therefore MORE POWERFUL than his business opponents.

He is beating his chest and issuing a threat. "Do not market your products to our client base!" he roars, probably via email or an editorial in a trade magazine.

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Tim Dehne, Vice President of Systems Research and Development, Luminex Corporation

Here's one that doesn't require any costly 'post production' work at all.

He may have a geeky job title, but you know he's also got all the right kind of spanners to fix your car with. And his idea of fixing your car isn't just wiggling a few connectors - he'll turn up in overalls and will have it up on bricks inside ten minutes with your engine sitting on your front doorstep.

Plus there's a chainsaw in his garage and a proper strimmer with a petrol engine, not one of those 'Mickey Mouse' electric ones you've got.

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Ruediger Neubauer, Chief Executive Officer, ista North America

Bloody hell. We didn't mean this to turn into some sort of freak show. All we're doing is uploading them as they come in.

If ever a man needed a bit of discreet 'post production' work it's poor old Ruediger. All you'd have to do it clone a bit of hair from the side and stick it on the top, then straighten the eyes & teeth out a bit. Simple. They do it with celebrities all the time.

Much better. We haven't Photoshopped on a tie, as if Ruediger can't be bothered to wear one we don't see why we should waste a Monday night putting one on the lazy shit. The wonky face isn't his fault. The tie is premeditated business negligence.

Monday, 3 August 2009

Dr. Marvin Slepian, Chairman of the Science Advisory Board, MicroMed Cardiovascular

Yikes. He's been doing some extremely dangerous toothpaste experiments and bravely testing the innovative resulting pastes out on himself. It's a shame, as he's got very good hair.

NOTE TO READERS: We are no 'oil paintings' either and are not really in any position to pass comment when it comes to teeth wonkiness - and our 'ivory tower' is also stained yellow from years of tea abuse - but you'd think a man of his age would've learned to keep his mouth shut in photographs to avoid showing off his manky gob.