Sexy Executives

Mr May 2011

2011-05-04T16:03:00.005+01:00

If you're going to do a combover, Rick, you need to start combing from further down.

Placing the parting one inch above the ear is recommended in extreme cases such as this.

Mr April 2011

2011-04-02T20:37:00.002+01:00

Lovely background. We advise arranging your icons around his head, like a halo around an image of the Virgin Mary.

And put your Recycle Bin where his lapel badge is.

Pieter Nota, Chief Executive Officer, Consumer Lifestyle, Philips

2011-03-31T20:43:00.002+01:00

Leslie Phillips 2.0.

The above reference won't work for international readers.

Mr March, 2011

2011-03-01T13:20:00.003Z

Due to overwhelming issues to do with these men having nothing better to do than Google themselves and complain about it, the new policy going forwards is to not refer to them by name in the body text.

We shall instead refer to them by SUPER SECRET CODE NAMES only known to us. This is Mr Nathan Horn-Rimmington.

This should mean that it'll soon be possible to access the email account without receiving daily threats of legal action. And you'd think a man who works for a dentist would take this opportunity to exhibit his teeth.

APPEAL: High-resolution image of James J. Sutliff required

2011-01-11T10:26:00.003Z

Has been known to operate small-to-medium-sized retail businesses under the pseudonym "Jim".

Start the hunt here, and DO NOT REST until you've found one of him and his wife holidaying in Hawaii. Thanks to reader Richard for picking up the initial scent.

K.C. Mathews, Executive Vice President and Chief Investment Officer, UMB Bank

2011-01-09T17:34:00.003Z

We had planned to manufacture a physical calendar again this year, but sort of forgot. And felt guilty about not updating the site enough to ask for MONEY in exchange for merchandise.

So here's an awkward compromise.

At least this is free. We suggest putting your icons on the grey area.

Kevin Cooney, Corporate Vice President & Chief Information Officer, Xilinx

2010-12-28T12:51:00.003Z

False teeth?

Eyes look suspicious as well. And no way are those actual ears.

Mark Keatley, Executive Vice President of Finance & IT, Actavis

2010-12-20T09:25:00.000Z

This image was tagged "AUG2010" so Mark should still look pretty much the same in real life. Maybe a bit less tanned and with a bushier moustache, perhaps even in different glasses, but within this visual ballpark.

Submitted by "Roy". Thanks. You have a nice eye for it, Roy. We should meet up and hang out inside Canary Wharf one lunchtime with a spotters checklist.

READER SUBMISSION: B. Kevin Turner, Chief Operating Officer, Microsoft

2010-12-16T11:37:00.001Z

This one messes with your perception of the male form. You expect there to be no hair, than all of a sudden there's LOADS OF HAIR, then it goes back to expecting there's no hair again all the way down.

Definitely no more hair on Mr Turner between lip and toes. It's all chemically and mechanically removed once a month. Bet he even puts his trimmings in the bin, rather than wedging them down the plug hole, too.

"The lack of tie is excused - this is the casual option from Microsoft's
selection of B. Kevin Turner images. Wonder if his office nickname is 'B' or 'Kev'?" - Alex.

Thomas F. Lagatta, Executive Vice President, Worldwide Sales, Broadcom

2010-12-14T20:48:00.003Z

We went to the Broadcom press site for WORK PURPOSES and, as usual, couldn't help but hopefully browse to the Executive Photo Library in case there was anything useful up there of a sufficient resolution for misappropriating on this secondary hobbyist niche blog.

And there was.

Glad we checked. Nearly didn't, as the home internet's a bit slow at the moment. It was fate, Tom. Fate brought us together.

Varel Freeman, First Vice President, European Bank

2010-11-20T08:48:00.002Z

Suit matched to hair. Literal interpretation of the white collar worker. Great moustache. Glasses. Bad tie. Skin that was last exposed to sunlight on the Sunday afternoon prior to starting the job in April of 1991.

And if we're not very much mistaken...

...a sneaky bowl of his daughter's Coco Pops for breakfast.

APPEAL: High-resolution image of Hadi Jaroudi required

2010-11-12T09:27:00.000Z

We have many questions about this image, primarily to do with how he gets it so smooth and pointed and why, after going to so much effort with the top of his head, he would then let the bottom of it go completely to seed.

Hadi works for Future Pipe Industries, which we would also [X] Like to know more about. Someone emailed this in ages ago. Thanks, whoever you are/were. It's been a while.

Henk van Houten, Senior Vice President & General Manager, Philips Research

2010-11-11T17:25:00.002Z

Couldn't pass up the opportunity to feature a man called Henk.

Henk is currently heading up research into sudden and unusual ear growth spurts in men over the age of 50.

Ferdinando "Nani" Beccalli-Falco, President and CEO, International, GE

2010-09-03T09:53:00.000+01:00

"Nani" is what people call him during their final few minutes in the woods behind the storage depot.

"On my desk by 10.30am MEANS on my desk by 10:30am, not a lame email at 10.35am saying it's nearly finished and you've just got to spell-check it and print it out."

Mark Walker, President, Walker and Associates, Inc.

2010-09-01T08:49:00.000+01:00

Too obvious. The blue in the tie to bring out the blue eyes. The blue in the background to bring out the blue eyes. They're telegraphing it, Brian.

As if we need reminding that ginger people tend to have blue eyes.

Christopher Welp, Executive Vice President of Insurance Operations, Aviva USA

2010-08-30T08:50:00.001+01:00

They churn these ones out in China at a rate of 10,000 per day. They come over in boxes a bit like coffins, then you buy one at the supermarket when you have some admin you need doing.

Sorry, Chris, you're a disposable item. Use once to fill in a boring form, then deflate and incinerate.

Graeme Bottger, Vice President and Controller, Alcoa

2010-08-26T09:00:00.003+01:00

You'd look this confident, too, if your official job title called you the "Controller".

Only the Controller can get away with having a moustache.

FAVOURED METHOD OF CONTROL: Balls in a vice.

Ray O'Connor, President and CEO, Topcon Positioning Systems

2010-08-24T09:03:00.000+01:00

That lapel badge symbolises his favourite breakfast cereal, for meeting small-talk purposes.

Shredded Wheat. That why his skin's so healthy.

Marc R. Viscogliosi, Principal, Viscogliosi Bros. LLC

2010-08-20T09:12:00.002+01:00

There's not much more you can do with hair like that, except have it swept as far out of sight as possible. He'd look even crazier with a fringe.

Here he is with a makeshift fringe:

We started doing another version with it all shaved off, but it was too graphic. We frightened ourselves.

John Harju, Associate Director for Research, EERC

2010-08-18T09:15:00.000+01:00

Some rudimentary post production has been attempted here. Backgrounds that uniform simply do not exist in nature.

Unless he's in a meeting room in THE VORTEX.

Sexy Executives is pleased to appoint Ray Ratto as new Non-Executive Director of Sports

2010-08-16T08:22:00.000+01:00

Ray Ratto is not an executive. He is a sports writer. So we've hired him, without his permission or knowledge, to be the new Sexy Executives Non-Executive Director of Sports.

Now Ray is an executive. Welcome aboard, Ray! So here he is:

Ray, it's just not working out. You're fired.

Mark K. Olson, Chief Financial Officer, Pacific Capital Bancorp

2010-08-13T09:17:00.001+01:00

We've TORN APART the rule book** to accommodate Mark. This image is only a poor quality 450 x 563 file, well below our usual mandatory minimum executive photograph resolution standards, but there's something about the eyes...

The eyes... the eyes... the eyes...

*Signs over all money and deeds of house to Pacific Capital Bancorp*

**It was only a photocopy of a small number of pages for dramatic effect.

Hala Moddelmog, President, Arby's Restaurant Group, Inc.

2010-07-07T09:35:00.000+01:00

If she's 1000 years old and has recently been unearthed during routine earthworks, she's aged very well.

Hair needs updating. Even Duran Duran don't have hair like Duran Duran used to in 1982 any more.

Dan Wright, Senior Tax Manager, Clark Nuber P.S.

2010-07-05T09:04:00.001+01:00

John Madden?

He's excused for not wearing a tie, as they don't make ties long enough to get round necks like that.

James Slattery, Chairman and CEO, Florida PDMP Foundation, Millennium Laboratories

2010-06-18T09:30:00.000+01:00

Hair of the Week.

Has the wiry thickness of a wig, but you can see the follicles attached to his head at the front. We'll categorise this one under Hair Mysteries, pending further analysis in a few decades time when science has caught up.

Gabriel Lasala, M.D.. Medical Director, TCA Cellular Therapy

2010-06-17T08:51:00.001+01:00

"Just pop your trousers down for me"

"Oh yes, you can tell an awful lot about a man's cellular make-up by simply cupping his buttocks and breathing in his scent."

Bret A. Morris, President, Health Net of Arizona, Inc.

2010-06-16T08:59:00.001+01:00

We only do our hair like that as a joke after coming out of the bath.

Maybe he had a bath just before the shoot. We'll never know. Some things simply aren't recorded in the EXIF data.

Sara Scott, Vice President of National Accounts, ProspX

2010-06-15T09:06:00.000+01:00

NEW CATEGORY: Executives in Pyjamas.

Never thought we'd enjoy seeing a photo of an accountant in their pyjamas.

Peter Schwab, Head of Wells Fargo Capital Finance

2010-06-14T09:19:00.000+01:00

This has the potential to become an all-time favourite.

The silly tie was probably a Christmas present from a grandchild, and he's pulling it off well. What a nice man. Bet he doesn't drink. Bet he doesn't even need to drink. Imagine being that happy and relaxed without first having to drink four pints. He's saving a fortune.

John B. Eichhorn, Chief Financial Officer, Tropos Networks

2010-06-11T08:16:00.002+01:00

NEW CATEGORY: Possibly Used To Be A Woman.

14 years of hormone therapy later, that goatee is his trophy.

Matthew Sommer, Director and Senior Retirement Specialist, Janus Capital

2010-06-10T08:13:00.001+01:00

Suit's too new. We suspect he bought it for the shoot. We can't prove that, obviously, just like we can't prove he also got his hair cut yesterday for the shoot. Or that he bought the tie and shirt as a set for the shoot.

We merely SUSPECT this isn't the Matthew Sommer you'd get to see on a daily basis, were you to bump into him on a day when he hadn't been warned to look smart.

John Tarpey, Chief Executive Officer, Balfour Beatty Construction's North Region

2010-06-04T09:08:00.000+01:00

Jasper Carrott?

So sad to see such an uncared-for scalp. He's long-since given up looking at his reflection. If his wife says his hair is fine, that's good enough for him.

APPEAL: High-resolution image of Sharron O'Gorman required. URGENT.

2010-06-02T10:36:00.002+01:00

VERY URGENT. CATEGORY A1+ URGENCY APPEAL RATING. STOP ALL OTHER INTERNET USE.

Sharron operates an amazing business called Golden Valley Insurance, which seems to provide insurance for pets - and musical instruments. With thanks to reader Matthew for the find. We hope you sorted out your pet/cello insurance needs, Matt.

James H. Roberts, Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer, Granite Construction

2010-05-28T09:40:00.001+01:00

This is the best. This is what we're in it for. When people look at us funny and say "Why do you do that stupid blog about men? Haven't you got anything better to do?" we sit them down and show them photos of ones that look like James H. Roberts.

We want to take him home and have him go through our accounts.

Jerry Turjanica, Managing Director, Midwest

2010-05-27T09:38:00.000+01:00

No idea what he's standing in front of. Might be the napkin he used at lunch.

Hopefully it's not one of his bed sheets.

Michael Congdon, Regional Vice President, Wells Fargo

2010-05-26T09:00:00.003+01:00

Usually it's too much grey. If we had to put money on the single most obvious element contained within a random photographic sample pulled from the executive world, it would be that it contains too much grey.

It's always too much grey. Which is why we're so excited to bring you a world first... the inaugural Too Much Brown.

Michael Congdon, who fights low-level administrative crime (stolen stationery, someone using someone else's milk) under the superhero name 'The Chameleon'.

John R. (J.R.) Thomas, CEO, MedSynergies Inc.

2010-05-25T08:50:00.000+01:00

Finally, after over a year of doing this, we've got one called John Thomas. No matter how hard he tries to hide it with initials and nicknames, that's his name.

Here is a large photograph of a John Thomas.

Needs rinsing down with a lemon juice solution to have that 'product' removed.

Jose A. Guethon, MD, MBA, President & COO, Michael M. Earley, Chairman & CEO, Metropolitan Health Networks

2010-05-24T08:57:00.000+01:00

This is some landmark work by the preferred photographer of Metropolitan Health Networks. The picture-taker has made two men from the same company sit in precisely the same, awkward position. Perhaps it is the signature company posture?

ADOPT THE POSITION:

"Just clasp your hands together to your right... that's good... now tilt your
head for me... a little to your right... a little more... that's good..."

"Now think of something that makes you feel confident... that's good... not too confident... that's good... now cock your elbow out a little further for me... that's good... nice elbow work... well done... nearly finished..."

Peter Crawford, Senior Vice President, Charles Schwab

2010-05-13T08:55:00.001+01:00

The hemming on the jacket appears a little flimsy. We'd expect better from a senior member of the team at an investment bank.

He must have enough money to buy one of everything from a local Burtons.

John Wilcox, Senior Vice President, Personal Lines, The Hartford

2010-05-11T08:53:00.001+01:00

That tie is one of the new-wave of modern scented ties. It's the 'Lemon Zinger'.

Very square face, though. Highly unusual.

Spongebob?

Mark Legg, CFO, Memjet

2010-05-07T09:09:00.001+01:00

It's an American from the 1950s, thrown through the VORTEX to the present day by an accident in Memjet's underground stationery storage facility.

Now THAT'S a flat-top.

Chris van Ingen, Executive Chairman, Bruker Energy & Supercon Technologies

2010-05-05T08:57:00.000+01:00

Man Type C.

Hair Type A Negative.

Face Type ERROR NOT IN DATABASE.

Ross Anthony, Senior Vice President, Prudential Utah Real Estate

2010-04-30T09:59:00.001+01:00

"Who's the fat SVP that's a sex machine with all the chicks?"

Ross Anthony.

Has the sort of skin you want to poke with a stick, to see if it's rotten underneath and if you could poke all the way through to the bone. Is also proud of his hair. Most men of his age naturally tilt the scalp away from the camera out of fear.

Alan Kandel, Business Development Manager, A.M. Best Co.

2010-04-29T09:02:00.001+01:00

He's got his glasses on too tight and they're bending his ears up. Lengthen the arms, Alan. Any local optician ought to be able to do that in five minutes.

He's also got his tie on too tight and it's inflating his head. Has a good, firm grip, basically.

Mark Terry, President of Audio, Video and Control Group, Linear

2010-04-28T08:14:00.000+01:00

You can tell he's never had to make anyone redundant thus far in his career. Smiles can never go this wide after you've had to lay off two-thirds of a very talented team, plus it becomes impossible to make such strong eye contact with a camera when you've had to tell a teary-eyed man that he won't be able to afford the repayments on his car from now on.

Enjoy the carefree, tie-less feeling while it lasts, Mark.

Needs to borrow the wife's straightening tongs, otherwise - CLEAN.

David Gibbons, Managing Director, Promontory Financial Group

2010-04-23T08:50:00.003+01:00

Looks a bit sad, probably because today is Friday and Friday means it's fish pie for dinner. No one likes fish pie, especially when the wife's so bored of making it and life she can't be bothered to boil the potatoes properly any more.

At work the next day he lies about it, and says it was steak and chips. In his mind, it WAS steak and chips, so it's not really a lie.

We all have our own little coping strategies.

Ted Cole, Vice President of Channel Sales, ADTRAN

2010-04-22T09:09:00.001+01:00

Sorry, Ted. We're thinking very bad things about what you look like. Let's just say... we flew to Australia once and a lot of men who looked like you were travelling alone and didn't get back on after the plane stopped off to refuel in Bangkok.

You look like the sort of man who might holiday alone in Bangkok, that's all we're saying. Nothing weird about that, Bangkok's a lovely place by all accounts. If you read anything into that the problem lies within you, not us.

FOUR WAY: Dr. Martin Kaspar, Managing Director, Dr. Stefan Jakobs, Managing Director, Alex Vogt, CEO, Dirk von Frajer, Head of Marketing & Sales, Optics Balzers

2010-04-21T09:38:00.001+01:00

FOUR WAY! We've had plenty of pairs, and a few threes, but never thought we'd live (or keep the site on the internet) to see the day FOUR executives came together for a photograph. The insurance premium for the shoot must've been sky-high.

Not sure what they're touching. Some sort of magic table that bestows hair growth?

Robert Purcell, Member of the Board of Directors, Boston-Power

2010-04-20T09:26:00.000+01:00

Man Type A.

Forgotten what he looks like already.

Patrick Caramante, VP, Engineering & Construction, Recurrent Energy

2010-04-19T09:04:00.002+01:00

The carefully practised half-smile, the chain coincidentally peeping out through the open collar, the perfect shave - this photo STINKS of manipulation.

We doubt that's even his jacket. And those eyebrows have been glued on.

A tame and neutered Bruce Willis. We don't know what Patrick usually looks like, but it's not going to be anything like this.

DOUBLE TEAM: Steve Harris, Executive Vice President, Cascade Microtech, Inc., and Frank Averdung, President & CEO, Süss MicroTec AG

2010-04-16T08:53:00.001+01:00

The rules of this game are you squeeze TIGHTER AND TIGHTER until one of you has to say "My product is inferior" and sign a statement to that effect.

The one on the right's fighting to suppress a pained grimace. If anyone's still taking bets this late in the game, stick £10 on Harris to close this one out within the next 30 seconds.

Rich Corrado, Chief Commercial Officer of ATSG, and President of Cargo Aircraft Management, Inc.

2010-04-14T09:10:00.002+01:00

Has anyone got this at a higher resolution? Our Rich Corrado collectible sticker only came at 423 x 564. That can't be right. That can't be the best ATSG can manage in the year 2010. Surely someone's got a phone with a better camera on it than this?

Ask one of the youngsters, they'll all have at least 5megapixels going spare in their pockets right now. The rest of the ATSG management got a much better deal.

Nice halo-like effect, though. Just don't let it go to your head and start comparing yourself to Jesus, Rich. No one's ever come out well from doing that.

David E. Higgins, Business Development Manager, Salin Loan Center

2010-04-13T09:19:00.001+01:00

Knew he was having his photo taken, so washed his hair this morning. Shaved a mere three hours before the image was captured, so this must've been a morning shoot. Can't identify breakfast as he brushed too thoroughly.

Looks too much like Ricky Gervais for comfort, so may be about to say something offensive about a disabled person while the disabled person in question - or a family member of the disabled person - is listening, thereby creating a 'cringeworthy' moment that some may mistake for comedy.

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: Gerald Cumming, Presumably The Boss Of, Cumming & Riley Solicitors

2010-04-12T09:12:00.001+01:00

Hasn't encountered a digital camera before, and is really excited about getting to see himself on the little screen.

"I saw this stud and thought it would be a shame not to nominate him for the accolade of Sexy Exec. This fine specimen is Gerald Cumming but I am sure you could probably gather that from the picture. He has 30 years experience man and boy and possible women if the crap around his eye is anything to go by. Hope to see him up on the site soon - a man of this calibre needs to be shared with the world!" - Aaron.

Michael P. Hermsen, Managing Director, Babson Capital

2010-04-10T09:27:00.000+01:00

Ian Curtis faked his death and went into banking.

Can someone infiltrate the Babson Capital Christmas party this year and get some footage of Michael dancing, just to confirm our hypothesis? Should be like this, only maybe a bit slower these days.

Brian Stokes, Associate Professor, Information Technology, Peirce College

2010-04-09T09:28:00.000+01:00

You're in the business world now, Brian. Take the earring out and let the hole heal over. There's always going to be a little scar on the lobe hinting at your dark, secret past, and the sort of bars you used to hang out in, and the sort of cocktails you used to drink, and the sort of sofas you used to wake up on the next morning with your trousers nowhere to be seen, but if you keep your right side angled toward the person you're speaking too you might get away with it.

And wear a normal shirt. Being in the IT department isn't an excuse.

Peter. S. Magnusson, Vice President of Marketing, Conformiq

2010-04-08T09:20:00.000+01:00

You can have a shaved head. You can have a goatee beard. You can have over-designed frames that hint at a self-conscious obsession with your outward appearance and a desire to be seen as a fashionable leader of men who is simultaneously non-conformist yet also practical.

Just not all three.

It's like a three course meal thrown into a blender.

Bill Myers, Vice President of Communications, DaVita

2010-04-07T09:01:00.000+01:00

He's been well advised in growing the goatee to help differentiate the chin from the neck area, but it's treating the symptoms not the underlying cause.

We'd prescribe implants.

You can even get chinectomys on the NHS in extreme cases like this. Speak to your GP, Bill, and be very insistent about a referral to a specialist.

Liam E. McGee, Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer, The Hartford Financial Services Group, Inc.

2010-04-06T10:08:00.000+01:00

Liam's new hairstyle successfully came through wind tunnel testing and has been deemed SAFE:

The lapel badge symbolises that his favourite sexual position is 'The Wheelbarrow'.

Introducing...

2010-03-31T10:30:00.003+01:00

It's not technically possible for the human brain to remember all the names of these chaps, let alone their job titles and if third-from-right is President or Vice President. So you'll have to do your own research into the backstory of how this meeting came into being.

The post-meeting buffet must've been quite a sight.

Thomas Whitenight, Senior Vice President, Wells Fargo Insurance Services

2010-03-30T09:13:00.002+01:00

This is great rarity for the collection - a man whose teeth aren't quite big enough to fill his entire mouth hole. He needs to scale his smile down accordingly - you can see all the way back to his tonsils.

It's unsettling being able to see all the way down a man's gum line. Dentists go through training on how to cope, but we're thoroughly unprepared.

Tie looks a bit 'art deco' and the photographer's messed up with the lighting. We had to open the shot up in Photoshop to enhance the photo in order to estimate the jacket's fabric constituency (70% wool, 30% reclaimed carpet tiles).

Corporate Executive Lifestyle Photography - on location Scottsdale Arizona

2010-03-29T10:43:00.009+01:00

WOW. This is Rob, Chief Operating Officer of Walton International. We're getting a bit of Joaquin Phoenix coming through on channel three, from the heady days before his mental breakdown. Or was that just a joke in the end?

UPDATE:
Due to a copyright complaint by photographer Adam Nollmeyer, we have replaced the photograph of Rob with a photo of Adam. It isn't as good, for many reasons, but fills a gap in the layout.

UPDATE#2:
Due to another copyright complaint by Adam Nollmeyer of ACME Photography, we've replaced the photo of Adam Nollmeyer with two alternative photos of Adam Nollmeyer, the latter of which shows him before he gave up and started shaving it all off.

Dr. Marvin Slepian, Co-Founder and Chairman, SynCardia Systems, Inc

2010-03-25T09:17:00.000Z

He's looked after himself. Almost certainly moisturises, plus those teeth show he's never gone through a five-cans-of-Coke-a-day phase and he doesn't hide from work and people by making himself endless cups of tea.

And hummus. We're thinking of hummus.

APPEAL: High-resolution image of Ralph de la Vega required

2010-03-24T08:32:00.002Z

Anyone got an HD shot of Ralph de la Vega? It's not for anything weird, just putting on the internet. We've got lots to trade in return, including several unpublished candids of Terrence O'Tormey a disgruntled ex-employee sent in.

We spotted Ralph on the home page of CTIA Wireless, so if you happen to be hanging around at a mobile phone trade show in the near future, do us all a favour and back him into a well-lit part of his company's stand and take us a shot. Not with a phone, though. With something proper.

READER SUBMISSION: John L. Thornton, Partner, Goldman Sachs, Ford Board of Directors

2010-03-22T09:57:00.000Z

Classic executive frames. Those are original DataMasters. They magnify numbers by a factor of 1000.

Is there a photographic equivalent of carbon dating? Can you get an approximate date of capture through spotting minute known imperfections in the lens system? We'd like to know if John walks around like this today.

"I have another for you. The thing is, after looking at him I can't work out if I want to laugh, or just hide behind the sofa and pray for a power-cut, thus rendering my screen inactive. I think it's a combination of the black and white or that astounding hair, or the glasses, or the fact that he looks like a caricature of an actual executive" - Chris.

William E. Dordelman, SVP & Treasurer, Comcast Corporation

2010-03-19T09:24:00.000Z

Baby face, old man hair. If he dyed it black, shaved a few chunks out of the side and used a bit of styling product, he could still party with the youngsters in the post room on a Friday night.

He looks like, to put it in business terms, a cheeky little monkey.

Greg Novak, CEO and Managing Partner, Novak Druce + Quigg

2010-03-18T09:19:00.002Z

Would very much like to "party" with Greg following a long and drawn out period of tense business negotiations.

By 2.30am we'd be drunk enough to ask him exactly what's going on with his hair and if his "tally" of female co-workers has smashed the psychological 1000 barrier yet.

David H. Baris, Partner, BuckleySandler

2010-03-17T09:41:00.000Z

Very ladylike skin and face, and he's not doing himself any favours with the effeminate tortoiseshell frames. His opinion would count for nothing when the alpha males get together.

And... is that last night's mascara?

Dr. Louis Louca, Surgeon/VAD Coordinator, Onassis Cardiac Surgery Center

2010-03-16T09:08:00.001Z

OK, so he's a heart surgeon not an executive as such, but you try doing a blog about men and ignoring a beard like this. IT CANNOT BE DONE. This beard CANNOT BE GLOSSED OVER.

We also doubt it can be shaved off. It's been left too long and has gone wild. If you try to remove that now it'll take off all the flesh as well. You'd think a doctor would know not to let it get into that sort of state.

BRITISH EXECUTIVE UPDATE: Graham Cooper, MD, ONEPOST

2010-03-15T09:14:00.001Z

Graham has updated his image. The last time we featured him he was DOUR and DARK like a BUSINESS MISERY TYPHOON, but now he's been told what to wear by a lady in human resources and has emerged positively beaming, refreshed and invigorated and ready to lead ONEPOST to new commercial heights.

He has even been talked into wearing a yellow tie, because yellow isn't considered to be even the slightest bit gay nowadays.

His hair's gone grey - that's the stress of a recession year for you. The only thing we know about wearing suits is that you NEVER do up the bottom button. Because, well, it makes the top go out of alignment, like Graham's has there.

Maria Ruppert-Pappas, Vice President and Business Development Officer, Wedbush Bank

2010-03-12T09:21:00.001Z

Is it warmer than usual in here today, or is it just Maria Ruppert-Pappas with her suit-melting eye-lasers?

That blouse doesn't even have any buttons.

Matthew Natcharian, Managing Director and Head of the Structured Credit Team, Babson Capital Management

2010-03-11T09:39:00.001Z

He's so far gone he might as well grow a moustache. He'd be great with a moustache.

That expression has the tell-tale controlled muscular rigidity of one that's been practised extensively in a mirror.

TRIPLE TEAM: Travis Doster, Director of Public Relations, Texas Roadhouse, Ed Sabatka, Chef and Owner, Uncle Ed's Steakhouse James LoCascio, Executive Chef, Barclay Prime

2010-03-10T09:34:00.000Z

We've got another TRIPLE TEAM! And this one's a corker. This one features sweaty brows and Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

Three men who work in the meat industry. They all won awards for something or other, to do with meat. There was a press release, but it was a bit long and about the American meat industry. We won't reproduce it.

Here's a closely-cropped shot of the man in the middle, to save you having to stammer about asking for it.

John Kenner, President, North America, Schindler Elevator Corporation

2010-03-09T09:30:00.002Z

Tom Cruise in the big-screen adaptation of the Northern Rock banking crisis. Lost out in the OSCARS to Brad Pitt's dramatisation of the RBS rights issue.

Is there a name for the quiff created by uplifting the fringe in such a fashion?

APPEAL: High-resolution photo needed of William D. Young, Executive Chairman of the Board, NanoString Technologies

2010-03-05T09:28:00.000Z

You'd think a company as forward-thinking-sounding as NanoString Technologies would be a bit more tech-savvy than to send out a virtually useless 61k JPEG image file at a resolution of 343 x 480.

William could've been a 2011 calendar contender, had someone at the company not foolishly hit 'Resize for Web'.

READER SUBMISSION: Bill Ford, AKA Willie Clay, Executive Chairman, Ford

2010-03-04T09:26:00.002Z

We hereby DECREE that all executives must HENCEFORTH be photographed with an elbow placed casually upon the thing their company produces. It saves on having to explain what the company MAKETH.

And if you look at the big version, you can see which way Bill 'dresses'. That information could make or break a business deal.

"I thought you'd enjoy a snap of Bill Ford, or 'Willie Clay' as he's known to his pals. He has a car in his picture, an actual car! But even more astounding is the fact he has legs, two of them! Anyway, hope you like it. I love the website, it makes me chuckle on a regular basis" - Chris.

Richard R. Schlinkert, Southeast Regional Sales Manager, Jupiter Systems

2010-03-03T08:38:00.001Z

He's using his hair to make a frame for his face. Clever idea. It stops the brain from having to work so hard on locating the face.

For some bizarre reason we can picture him having webcam sex. His face seems to shout out webcam sex. Maybe it's because he's taken his tie off and started to unbutton his shirt? That's what we always ask them to do.

We're not suggesting Richard does or has ever done webcam sex, just that he looks the sort you might see were you to log into Chatroulette at 4.45am. It's not a crime to say something looks like something, is it? Guess we're about to find out.

Randy "RJ" Adleman, Vice President of Global Sales and Marketing, Valence Technology

2010-03-02T09:09:00.000Z

He has a moustache and is called Randy. They're making it too easy. They're handing it to us on a plate. They're having it biked directly to our office by courier. They're faxing it to our number. They're having their receptionist burn it to a CD and hand deliver it.

Extremely asymmetrical ears, but it's not about the ears.

TRIPLE TEAM: Alex Kohner, David Krintzman and Todd Rubenstein, Attorneys, Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner

2010-03-01T09:38:00.002Z

Spend every Friday night loudly and increasingly aggressively quoting lines of dialogue from "Swingers" in a small suburban bar much to the annoyance of the regular clientele?

Step right into their shiny world.

The press release is a monster. You'd think being in the entertainment field they'd have learned the importance of brevity. Here it is for your consideration, by way of helping explain why the company is called "Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner".

Imagine being the poor receptionist who has to say all that when answering the phone.

Entertainment Law Firm Announces Addition of Three Attorneys to its Letterhead, Resulting in the New Name, "Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner"

Entertainment Law Firm "Morris Yorn Barnes & Levine" announced today that it has added three long-time firm attorneys, David Krintzman, Todd Rubenstein and Alex Kohner to the firm's masthead, which will now be "Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner."

Founding partner Kevin Morris said, "Jared Levine, Stephen Barnes, Kevin Yorn and I are very proud today. The elevation of these three homegrown guys is well deserved and an important milestone in the history of our firm. It is also very fulfilling for each of us personally, since we've worked together as close friends for some time. We are looking to Dave, Todd and Alex to help lead the firm as we take the next steps into the fast-changing and opportunity-filled business of entertainment. And to continue the pursuit of our permanent objective: providing better service to our clients."

Krintzman, Rubenstein and Kohner's status on the front wave of the business is confirmed by a quick survey of end of the year movies. For example, David Krintzman represents Zoe Saldana who is the female lead in "Avatar," winner of 2 Golden Globes and nominated for 9 Academy Awards; the highest grossing film of all time. Todd Rubenstein represents Anna Kendrick, an Academy Award and Golden Globe nominee, who stars in "Up in the Air," one of the most acclaimed films of 2009. And Alex Kohner represents Chris Weitz who directed the Twilight sequel, "New Moon," which set the all time record for first day box-office and went on to become a global mega hit.

David Krintzman joined the firm as its first associate in 1995. David represents actors, writers, directors and producers in film and television. He works on behalf of many of the firm's most prominent clients including Matthew McConaughey, Scarlett Johansson and South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone. In addition, David has cultivated an eclectic list of clients such as Australian actor Liam Hemsworth who stars with Miley Cyrus in Disney's upcoming "The Last Song," author James Frey (Bright Shiny Morning, A Million Little Pieces), producers Art and John Linson ("Into The Wild," "Sons of Anarchy") whose film "The Runaways" will be released in March and toy company, Spin Master, which has a film based on the company's hit toy, "Bakugan," set up at Universal.

Todd Rubenstein joined the firm in 1998 and has had tremendous success bringing in new and emerging talent and has been instrumental in expanding the firm's practice into online media and branding. Rubenstein pioneered the emergence of media personality Perez Hilton as ever-present innovator in celebrity reporting. Hilton has become a global brand extending into all forms of media. Rubenstein also represents Academy Award nominee Anna Kendrick ("Up in the Air,"), Jackie Earle Haley("Little Children," "Nightmare on Elm Street," "Shutter Island"); Maggie Grace ("Taken," "Knight and Day"), Victor Rasuk ("How to Make It in America"), actor/comedian Mike Epps ("The Hangover"), author Bryan Burroughs ("Public Enemies"), and actors such as Harvey Keitel, Ian Somerhalder ("The Vampire Diaries"), Annalynne McCord ("90210"), and Kyle Bornheimer ("Worst Week").

His other clients include the DGA Award winning director, Jason Winer ("Modern Family," "Arthur"), writer Jeremy Garelick ("The Break Up," "The Hangover"), Anders and Morris ("Hot Tub Time Machine," "She's Not That Into You") and director Peter Sollett ("Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist"). He continues to work with many of the firm's long-term clients including Minnie Driver and Chris Rock.

Additionally, his accomplishments include the brokering of multi-million dollar spec sales, representing and renegotiating cast deals on "The Sopranos," and being published in Filmmaker Magazine for his expertise in optioning book rights. Rubenstein is actively involved in InsideOUT Writers, a non-profit creative writing program for incarcerated youth, and is on the board of directors for Jail Guitar Doors, a non-profit focusing on rehabilitation through music and the arts.

Alex Kohner joined the firm in 2002 and is experienced in all facets of the motion picture and television industry. His clients include actors John Cho ("Star Trek," "Flash Forward") and Heather Graham ("The Hangover"), filmmakers Uli Edel (Academy Award nominated "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex"), Michael and Mark Polish ("The Astronaut Farmer"), and Academy Award nominees Paul and Chris Weitz ("American Pie," "About a Boy," "New Moon," "Little Fockers"), screenwriters Pete Chiarelli ("The Proposal") and Kelley Sane ("Rendition"), and television writer/producers David Wilcox ("Law and Order," "Fringe") and Charles Murray ("V"). From the outset of his career at Manatt, Phelps and Phillips, Kohner has also developed extensive expertise in book publishing and represents numerous authors including New York Times Bestsellers Lisi Harrison (The Clique series), Melissa de la Cruz (Blue Bloods series), and Evan Wright (Generation Kill). Kohner has also negotiated publishing deals for many of the firm's high-profile clients including Ellen DeGeneres, Chris Rock, Artie Lange, Zach Galifianakis, Jeff Garlin, Tony Hawk and Anthony Zuiker.

Co-Managing Partner Kevin Yorn said, "All three of these guys are fantastic partners and such accomplished attorneys. The firm has been so lucky to have them over the years and I am excited to move into the future with Dave, Todd and Alex. It is all the more gratifying since we have all been very close friends for years."

"Morris Yorn Barnes Levine Krintzman Rubenstein & Kohner" is a thriving entertainment law firm specializing in the practice areas of film, television, marketing and promotion, technology, new media and entertainment finance. Well known for its emphasis in talent-based representation, the Firm has successfully blended its legal expertise with real-life problem-solving to become a force in the entertainment business. Founded in 1995, the firm's practice has grown rapidly in both size and reputation. It has achieved enormous success by working closely with its clients' entire professional team in formulating and implementing remarkable long-term business and financial strategies. By merging an aggressive deal-making philosophy with an innovative approach to firm management, MYBLKR&K has emerged as the leading entertainment law firm of the next generation of Hollywood.

The Firm's clients cover the entertainment spectrum and include respected actors, writers, directors, comedians, authors, prominent brands, production companies, technology start-ups, financial institutions and several Fortune 500 corporations. The client list includes South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Ellen DeGeneres, CSI Creator Anthony Zuiker, Matthew McConaughey, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Rock, Katherine Heigl, and Tony Hawk.

Bill Derrick, Vice President of Client Experience, Daticon EED

2010-02-26T09:21:00.002Z

Looks like he even combs his eyebrows. You know he's going to leave no stone unturned in his business dealings. He will metaphorically comb every eyebrow to ensure the client experience is as high as possible.

Amazingly accurate and uniform hair, easily the most uniform hair we've ever seen - and we spend a LOT of time looking at men's hair. Hope he tipped the barber.

J. Scott Di Valerio, CFO, Coinstar

2010-02-25T09:45:00.000Z

WOW. Never mind poxy calendars, we're planning a gonzo art stunt where we project this beauty onto the side of the Houses of Parliament. It's the only way to do J. Scott Di Valerio justice.

We'll get back you you with something about Mr Di Valerio in a few weeks, once we've had time to process exactly what's going on here.

Michael J. Falbo, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, TierOne Corporation

2010-02-24T10:37:00.000Z

We are very tempted to turn this one upside-down.

Very tempted indeed. Although that would involve firing up Photoshop and spending at least half an hour recreating a very, very old joke.

Initially, we settled for making the head bigger and flipping it along the vertical axis.

And seeing as we'd gone and cut it out, it's then a relatively short additional procedure to completely flip the head along the horizontal axis. But it doesn't really work, visually. We're now going to have to spend another half an hour putting his mouth down on his forehead.

This isn't turning out funny at all. We thought putting bald men's heads on upside-down was a tried and tested joke?

EXECUTIVES IN ACTION: Frank Averdung, CEO SUSS MicroTec AG, and Roland Lacher, CEO Singulus AG, signing the HamaTech Purchase Agreement, 12 January 2010

2010-02-23T09:51:00.003Z

This is the moment the action happened! Sadly we couldn't be there in person due to other commitments, but this is the next best thing.

We remember when MicroTec and Singulus were at each other's throats. Never thought this day would come. The industry never ceases to amaze.

Terrence O. Tormey, Board Member, EuroMed

2010-02-22T10:09:00.000Z

Possibly the MOST double-breasted suit money can buy. The hem must completely wrap around his waist and tie together at the back.

Always wanted to buy one of those shirts. As a joke. To wear around the house while alone. Then sleep in. While alone.

Ronald G. Rauch, Chair, Bellevue Downtown Association

2010-02-19T09:36:00.001Z

Here's Ron, pictured standing on the boiling surface of Venus, in front of its fractured clouds of nitrogen and sulphuric acid. His hair's like that because he's been wearing a pressurised helmet all day. It's much thicker-looking in our atmosphere.

Tie's a bit limp there, Ron. You've done it up too tight, probably because you were stressed about the shoot today. It's understandable, it's the photographer who's at fault over it as usual.

These men aren't MACHINES - they need to be told when their ties are done up a bit wrong, just like everyone else. You won't be in trouble for mentioning it, Mr Photographer - he'll actually be grateful.

Jerry T. Kendall, Senior Vice President of Sales and Service for USS Corporation

2010-02-18T09:54:00.002Z

Like this one. He looks like Robert Patrick in around the year 2035, playing the T-8000 in Terminator VI.

He can morph his finger into a letter opener, but not a stapler as that's got moving parts.

There's also a bit of the Stan Laurel about him, although Stan would recoil in horror and bewilderment at the very notion of a collar with buttons on it.

James E. Felter, Senior Vice President, Defense Sector, STG

2010-02-17T09:44:00.000Z

Ran over his son's dog reversing out of his house this morning, and then there was an enormous queue in Costa Coffee, and then his PC wouldn't boot up, and then when it did boot up there was an email - a bloody EMAIL! - from his wife confessing to having had an affair with his brother since 1997 (on and off).

Then he got the call about having to go to Meeting Room 5 for the bloody photoshoot. As is he hasn't got enough to bloody do bloody today already.

This image came as a 2896 x 1944 file that weighed in at 2.8MB. No offence, STG Defense Sector, but we doubt anyone in the world is going to use this fine image of your mighty boss without significantly scaling it down.

Alan R. Hodnik, CEO, ALLETE

2010-02-16T09:55:00.002Z

It looks like Alan spends too much time sleeping on his right-hand side. His right ear has been squashed flat. Alan, you need to get your wife to roll you over every few hours. You're too young a man to suffer the shame of asymmetrical ears.

The photographer is at fault here. In attempting to capture the full glory of the moustache, the (presumably amateur) snapper has inadvertently drawn attention to Alan's ears. If he'd told Alan to rotate a few degrees, the ear asymmetry could've been hidden from view.

It's always worth sacrificing moustache clarity for ear symmetry, everyone knows that. There's even a rhyme that helps photographers remember this fact:

If the ears are out of line,
Don't assume it will be fine!

Tell the man to turn his head,
Or your shoot will sure be dead.

READER SUBMISSION: Jim Panfil, former Director of Marketing, Atmel Corporation

2010-02-15T09:41:00.003Z

Today's reader-submitted executive is a superbly moustachioed 1960s original in fine working condition, offering experience, a classic all-white shirt option and an annoying tickling sensation when he nibbles lovingly and loyally at your neck.

"This is Jim Panfil. Once upon a time he was Director of Marketing at Atmel Corporation. Today, his LinkedIn public profile says he's interested in 'career opportunities', 'job inquiries' and 'getting back in touch'. What happened, Jim?" - DM.

BEHIND THE SCENES SPECIAL!

2010-02-12T09:23:00.002Z

Long-time cross-network thing-of-note submitter "Phorenzik" recently sent us a link to a blog called EXECUTIVE BUSINESS PORTRAITS - the home of a man who makes a living taking genuine executive photographs.

Like, he does it seriously. All day long. Every day, economy permitting.

The blogger talks us through how his shots are taken, even going so far as to supply variant test shots of the photos that were eventually used, also giving us thrilling "Making Of..." commentary on the photography process. Such as:

"Today I had an executive portrait session in Denville, NJ. Jackson needed a few different looks for his marketing pieces. So we did some traditional and more casual style portraits without a tie. I think we accomplished what we were trying to do."

If you have an ironic or even non-ironic interest in men standing awkwardly in front of a wide variety of cloudy backgrounds, be sure to check out EXECUTIVE BUSINESS PORTRAITS.

There are photos like this on it.

And photos like this.

And like this.

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: David Morton, Strategic Development Director of Menzies Distribution

2010-02-11T09:09:00.002Z

He's escaped! One's escaped! Call the police and have all local bus and rail services stopped. No, it's too late! He's on a coach. We repeat, he's on a coach, last seen heading north on the A1.

He's now taunting authorities by posting photos that give clues about his whereabouts on social networking sites.

Jeffrey J. Allison, Executive Vice President and Senior General Merchandise Manager, JCPenney

2010-02-10T09:11:00.003Z

Too much grey. There's hardly any colour information in this image at all - you could convert this one to a GIF and it'd look about the same.

You could photocopy this picture and it'd look about the same. You could fax it and his grey appearance, blotchy suit and jagged hairline would be perfectly reproduced.

Say what you like about Jeffrey J. Allison - he's a cheap one to print out photos of. If you're always having to print out photos of your executives, think how much you'd save in the long-term from hiring Jeff.

Nicholas DeBenedictis, Chairman and CEO, Aqua America, Inc

2010-02-09T09:12:00.000Z

Lovely deluxe leather upholstery. Sun-dried, hand-stitched, each remaining strand of hair individually combed from left-to-right for the ultimate in executive partings.

Don't just get an executive, get a DeBenedictis.

One point - if your company's already got "America" in its name, there's no need to also wear an American flag pin badge. We get that you like your country. We like parts of it too, mainly the part that licenses out the Oreos brand for production overseas.

READER SUBMISSION: Karen Driscoll, Vice President of Marketing Services, Sesame Workshop

2010-02-08T09:54:00.003Z

WOMAN ONE! This one's standing in front of a green screen. That makes Photoshopping her into a variety of compromising locations extremely easy. We could put her in front of a rival company's logo, or stick her in the frozen food aisle of ASDA, for example, or have her standing in a cheap lapdancing club.

But we won't. That would be rude.

"For reasons I genuinely have no understanding of. I'm somehow on the corporate mailing list for Sesame Street. Little do they realise that the only use I have for mugshots is forwarding them to Sexy Execs. I have yet to work out which constellation the moles on her neck form. Maybe she was just attacked by a very careless vampire?" - Stuart A.

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: Dave Everitt, General Manager of EMEA, Absolute Software

2010-02-05T09:24:00.000Z

Believe it or not, this one just arrived in our email inbox. Surely executives aren't now battling to see who's the sexiest of them all? We'll have to assemble a rate card. If people are going to start submitting their own photos, we might as well start making them pay for it. This isn't some sort of casual sex messageboard, despite how it may look.

If this was a casual sex messageboard, Dave would be waiting a very long time for even the least invasive of contact. He should've used an older photo, something from the 80s at least.

DOUBLE FEATURE: Mike Purchia, Managing Director, Northeast, and Courtney Grover, Division Manager, Northeast, LEVEL5

2010-02-03T09:10:00.000Z

We couldn't choose between this sensational pair from LEVEL5, so we've gone and uploaded them both. We're not going to make a habit of doing this, as we find there's only so much businessman it's possible to take on a daily basis.

And this is possibly too much businessman. This one's Courtney. Courtney must've been a more acceptable name for a boy in 1949. And here's the Mike.

We'd sign the deal with Courtney, then go out to celebrate with Mike. Mike has the look of a man who knows how to organise a good night out, and is always the last man to stop drinking. How could you say "no" when that puppy dog face shoves another triple into your hand?

Eduardo Senf, President, Newell Rubbermaid International

2010-02-02T10:22:00.000Z

Is his hair coming out OK on your monitor? It's making ours strobe violently when we scroll the picture up and down.

Nice colour background. Brings out the blue detailing in the jacket. We say jacket, as there's no way he can be wearing matching trousers. A suit made entirely out of that fabric would be way too much.

On the off-chance someone who knows Eduardo reads this, can you please confirm if that's just a jacket or if it's a whole suit? Thanks.

Bill Brown, Chief Information Officer, Iron Mountain

2010-02-01T09:45:00.001Z

When Bill looks in the mirror and takes stock of his life during a quiet moment after the wife and kids have gone to bed, we'd imagine he's quite upbeat about what looks back at him. We're between 15 and 20 years younger than Bill, but would happily swap teeth & hair with him.

We've bought better suits and shirts from Cancer Research, though, so he can keep his business ensemble.

Jeff Banker, Executive Vice President, Real-Time Market Data and Trading Solutions, Interactive Data Corporation

2010-01-28T09:06:00.000Z

Jeff mountain-biked it into the office today, on his £900 Marin Hardtail. He used the shower, but is still sweating a bit. He won't properly cool down until lunch time.

And the helmet ruined his hair.

That's a very limp collar arrangement. Needs tightening. Want to reach into the screen and tighten it for him, then give his hair a good ruffle - it's like he's actually trying to emphasise his thinning top with that style.

Is there money to be made in running an executive appearance consultancy?

Daniel P. McGahn, President and Chief Operating Officer, American Superconductor Corporation

2010-01-26T10:04:00.000Z

He's a bit big and he's ginger. There's no pretending otherwise. There's no point us discussing his tie and shirt or the background. Let's confront the big/ginger issue so we can all move on.

He's probably also the only Daniel P. McGahn in the world, so be nice as this will be #1 on Google for Daniel P. McGahn by the end of the day - and he's probably a lovely man. Look at that honest smile.