Friday, 30 April 2010

Ross Anthony, Senior Vice President, Prudential Utah Real Estate

"Who's the fat SVP that's a sex machine with all the chicks?"

Ross Anthony.

Has the sort of skin you want to poke with a stick, to see if it's rotten underneath and if you could poke all the way through to the bone. Is also proud of his hair. Most men of his age naturally tilt the scalp away from the camera out of fear.

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Alan Kandel, Business Development Manager, A.M. Best Co.

He's got his glasses on too tight and they're bending his ears up. Lengthen the arms, Alan. Any local optician ought to be able to do that in five minutes.

He's also got his tie on too tight and it's inflating his head. Has a good, firm grip, basically.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Mark Terry, President of Audio, Video and Control Group, Linear

You can tell he's never had to make anyone redundant thus far in his career. Smiles can never go this wide after you've had to lay off two-thirds of a very talented team, plus it becomes impossible to make such strong eye contact with a camera when you've had to tell a teary-eyed man that he won't be able to afford the repayments on his car from now on.

Enjoy the carefree, tie-less feeling while it lasts, Mark.

Needs to borrow the wife's straightening tongs, otherwise - CLEAN.

Friday, 23 April 2010

David Gibbons, Managing Director, Promontory Financial Group

Looks a bit sad, probably because today is Friday and Friday means it's fish pie for dinner. No one likes fish pie, especially when the wife's so bored of making it and life she can't be bothered to boil the potatoes properly any more.

At work the next day he lies about it, and says it was steak and chips. In his mind, it WAS steak and chips, so it's not really a lie.

We all have our own little coping strategies.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Ted Cole, Vice President of Channel Sales, ADTRAN

Sorry, Ted. We're thinking very bad things about what you look like. Let's just say... we flew to Australia once and a lot of men who looked like you were travelling alone and didn't get back on after the plane stopped off to refuel in Bangkok.

You look like the sort of man who might holiday alone in Bangkok, that's all we're saying. Nothing weird about that, Bangkok's a lovely place by all accounts. If you read anything into that the problem lies within you, not us.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

FOUR WAY: Dr. Martin Kaspar, Managing Director, Dr. Stefan Jakobs, Managing Director, Alex Vogt, CEO, Dirk von Frajer, Head of Marketing & Sales, Optics Balzers

FOUR WAY! We've had plenty of pairs, and a few threes, but never thought we'd live (or keep the site on the internet) to see the day FOUR executives came together for a photograph. The insurance premium for the shoot must've been sky-high.

Not sure what they're touching. Some sort of magic table that bestows hair growth?

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Robert Purcell, Member of the Board of Directors, Boston-Power

Man Type A.

Forgotten what he looks like already.

Monday, 19 April 2010

Patrick Caramante, VP, Engineering & Construction, Recurrent Energy

The carefully practised half-smile, the chain coincidentally peeping out through the open collar, the perfect shave - this photo STINKS of manipulation.

We doubt that's even his jacket. And those eyebrows have been glued on.

A tame and neutered Bruce Willis. We don't know what Patrick usually looks like, but it's not going to be anything like this.

Friday, 16 April 2010

DOUBLE TEAM: Steve Harris, Executive Vice President, Cascade Microtech, Inc., and Frank Averdung, President & CEO, Süss MicroTec AG

The rules of this game are you squeeze TIGHTER AND TIGHTER until one of you has to say "My product is inferior" and sign a statement to that effect.

The one on the right's fighting to suppress a pained grimace. If anyone's still taking bets this late in the game, stick £10 on Harris to close this one out within the next 30 seconds.

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Rich Corrado, Chief Commercial Officer of ATSG, and President of Cargo Aircraft Management, Inc.

Has anyone got this at a higher resolution? Our Rich Corrado collectible sticker only came at 423 x 564. That can't be right. That can't be the best ATSG can manage in the year 2010. Surely someone's got a phone with a better camera on it than this?

Ask one of the youngsters, they'll all have at least 5megapixels going spare in their pockets right now. The rest of the ATSG management got a much better deal.

Nice halo-like effect, though. Just don't let it go to your head and start comparing yourself to Jesus, Rich. No one's ever come out well from doing that.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

David E. Higgins, Business Development Manager, Salin Loan Center

Knew he was having his photo taken, so washed his hair this morning. Shaved a mere three hours before the image was captured, so this must've been a morning shoot. Can't identify breakfast as he brushed too thoroughly.

Looks too much like Ricky Gervais for comfort, so may be about to say something offensive about a disabled person while the disabled person in question - or a family member of the disabled person - is listening, thereby creating a 'cringeworthy' moment that some may mistake for comedy.

Monday, 12 April 2010

BRITISH EXECUTIVE: Gerald Cumming, Presumably The Boss Of, Cumming & Riley Solicitors

Hasn't encountered a digital camera before, and is really excited about getting to see himself on the little screen.

"I saw this stud and thought it would be a shame not to nominate him for the accolade of Sexy Exec. This fine specimen is Gerald Cumming but I am sure you could probably gather that from the picture. He has 30 years experience man and boy and possible women if the crap around his eye is anything to go by. Hope to see him up on the site soon - a man of this calibre needs to be shared with the world!" - Aaron.

Saturday, 10 April 2010

Michael P. Hermsen, Managing Director, Babson Capital

Ian Curtis faked his death and went into banking.

Can someone infiltrate the Babson Capital Christmas party this year and get some footage of Michael dancing, just to confirm our hypothesis? Should be like this, only maybe a bit slower these days.

Friday, 9 April 2010

Brian Stokes, Associate Professor, Information Technology, Peirce College

You're in the business world now, Brian. Take the earring out and let the hole heal over. There's always going to be a little scar on the lobe hinting at your dark, secret past, and the sort of bars you used to hang out in, and the sort of cocktails you used to drink, and the sort of sofas you used to wake up on the next morning with your trousers nowhere to be seen, but if you keep your right side angled toward the person you're speaking too you might get away with it.

And wear a normal shirt. Being in the IT department isn't an excuse.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Peter. S. Magnusson, Vice President of Marketing, Conformiq

You can have a shaved head. You can have a goatee beard. You can have over-designed frames that hint at a self-conscious obsession with your outward appearance and a desire to be seen as a fashionable leader of men who is simultaneously non-conformist yet also practical.

Just not all three.

It's like a three course meal thrown into a blender.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Bill Myers, Vice President of Communications, DaVita

He's been well advised in growing the goatee to help differentiate the chin from the neck area, but it's treating the symptoms not the underlying cause.

We'd prescribe implants.

You can even get chinectomys on the NHS in extreme cases like this. Speak to your GP, Bill, and be very insistent about a referral to a specialist.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Liam E. McGee, Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer, The Hartford Financial Services Group, Inc.

Liam's new hairstyle successfully came through wind tunnel testing and has been deemed SAFE:

The lapel badge symbolises that his favourite sexual position is 'The Wheelbarrow'.