Thursday, 28 January 2010

Jeff Banker, Executive Vice President, Real-Time Market Data and Trading Solutions, Interactive Data Corporation

Jeff mountain-biked it into the office today, on his £900 Marin Hardtail. He used the shower, but is still sweating a bit. He won't properly cool down until lunch time.

And the helmet ruined his hair.

That's a very limp collar arrangement. Needs tightening. Want to reach into the screen and tighten it for him, then give his hair a good ruffle - it's like he's actually trying to emphasise his thinning top with that style.

Is there money to be made in running an executive appearance consultancy?

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Daniel P. McGahn, President and Chief Operating Officer, American Superconductor Corporation

He's a bit big and he's ginger. There's no pretending otherwise. There's no point us discussing his tie and shirt or the background. Let's confront the big/ginger issue so we can all move on.

He's probably also the only Daniel P. McGahn in the world, so be nice as this will be #1 on Google for Daniel P. McGahn by the end of the day - and he's probably a lovely man. Look at that honest smile.

Monday, 25 January 2010

Daniel M. Moloney, President, Home & Networks Mobility business, Motorola, Inc.

Textbook. Cover of the textbook. Also author of the textbook, and contributed his own foreword to the textbook. Also distributed the textbook using his own car, and didn't even claim for the mileage.

Would like to be this one for one heady evening of cruising bars in Seattle, just to see what it's like.

Best one we've found for a long time. Who thinks to match their shirt and tie to the background? Only the very CREAM.

Friday, 22 January 2010

Erika Miller, Associate, Stone & Youngberg Public Finance Group

"CAPTAIN! Klingon Warbird de-cloaking to starboa... oh no, it's OK, it was just Erika's new frames."

Don't understand modern glasses. The idea is you pay £479 to look like you've built your glasses yourself out of Meccano?

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Jim Kelly, President, Cummins Engine Business

Some executive photographs exist out of time. This could be a colourised image from the 1940s, the first colour shot taken with a Kodak Instamatic in 1963, a scanned-in microfilm transparency from 1987 or even something as modern as a 15MB TIFF generated by a EOS-1Ds Mark III in late 2009.

And the way his features seem to bulge out of the screen means this could even be a 3D image from the FUTURE!

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Al Nederhood, President, American Career College

Oh no. No, no, no. When we get ones like this it makes us want to stop trawling business-related press sites late at night while high on coffee and bourbon biscuits. Because for every sensational Thompson Mahogany or Charles there are literally 500 bloody Al Nederhoods to to filter out.

Al, you and your staid glasses/goatee ensemble are the CHAFF of the executive photography world. We've only put you on here because you remind us of someone famous... probably Paul O'Grady.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Thomas C. Morrison, Litigation and Trial Partner, Manatt, Phelps & Phillips

The file name here was "morrison_tom.jpg" so from that we can assume it's OK to call him Tom, probably even if you don't know him very well or are just saying he looks peculiar on the internet.

He's great. We thought about holding Tom back and putting him in the Special Folder for use in the 2011 calendar, but we didn't. There will be other executives. Plenty more briefcases in the overhead luggage rack.

Monday, 18 January 2010

Eduardo Chvaicer, JOB TITLE UNKNOWN, Right at Home

Poor Eduardo clearly hasn't got a woman in his life, as no loyal female would let her man out of the house in the morning with a tie knot in that sorry state.

"Bloody hell, Eduardo! Go back and do it again. The knot's all tiny and it's way too tight. You'll end up fainting from restricted blood flow. And did you remember to put clean underpants on today? I'll know if you didn't, there were three clean pairs in your drawer yesterday."

Friday, 15 January 2010

Michael Link, MD, President of the American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO)

Not sure what 'Clinical Oncology' is and don't want to risk Googling it in case it's something to do with women's parts.



Miss Williams? The doctor will see you now.

(Stands up) Oh, lovely. Who is it? Mrs Hill or Mary Jones?

Oh no... sorry... Mrs Hill is off sick and Mary is over in our Southerton office today. You're seeing... MICHAEL LINK.


It's fine, he assures me he's seen it all before and he shampooed his beard especially last night.



Thursday, 14 January 2010

Ibrey Woodall, Director of Client Development, Business Wire

We don't know enough about women to know if matching your lipstick colour to your jacket is a good idea or not. Suppose it at least helps draw the eye away from any problem areas.

We won't list the problem areas. We are not 'Gok Wan' so do not have a license to talk openly to women about their breasts while prodding them with a ruler.

Those earrings are actually Kensington Security Locks, to keep her at her desk. Some militant lesbians keep trying to break in and steal her.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Jim Smits, Group Vice President, Perishables

Poor Jim has been on the waiting list for a new liver since 2005. He's not being treated as a priority, because the routine tests keep showing he's lapsed back into ABSINTHE ABUSE.

NOTE TO PHOTOGRAPHERS: Always book executive shoots for the morning. This is what you get when you pluck them out of the pub at 3.45pm after a boozy lunch.

Monday, 11 January 2010

Jeb Egbert, M.B.A., Ed.D., Provost/Chief Academic Officer, West Coast University

Poor old Jeb. 54-years-old and still a bit shy. We know how he feels - even after turning 30 we still felt about 13 on the inside. And often as young as 12 if there's a confident woman in the room.

The photographer was a woman. They got rid of Jeb's blushing with a bit of Photoshop magic.

Friday, 8 January 2010

Amber Salzman, CEO, Cardiokine, Inc.

WOMAN ONE! We should've saved this one as a special Christmas update. Look at her, she's pretty much entirely normal. Imagine that. A normal woman. Imagine a woman. With her hair and skin, and all smooth.

Heavily cropped. Probably nothing to it, but it's raising our suspicions.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

A.J. Cederoth, Chief Financial Officer, Navistar

Ears going one way, eyes going another, nose trying to maintain the peace by pointing halfway between the two.

But if we were selling him as breeding stock he'd get a good price - he has a full head of hair and decent teeth. He also looks pretty tall and bulky, so would raise quite a bit even if he was only sold off as meat.

On a purely technical basis, Cederoth is a winner.

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Christopher J. Littlefield, CEO, Aviva USA

Like this one. Would like to keep him. You know he's going to tidy up after himself and wouldn't go near your biscuits.

There might be an issue with him using your shampoo, razor, toothpaste and deodorant, though. And he's going to have the washing machine on every other day, so make sure you come to some sort of agreement regarding the electricity bill before he moves his stuff in.